Losing weight and confidence
I’m having a really hard time staying consistent enough to make real progress. I find myself in an on and off again cycle of doing well and feeling like reaching my goals is possible to then falling of course physically and mentally. I’ve been gaining and losing the same 10 lbs for months now and I just can’t seem to get a grip. I want nothing more than to lose weight so I can feel confident and in charge of my life. I feel like I can’t reach any of my goals until I do this. Wanting to lose weight has been my self identity for the last 10 years since I was 12, probably since before then. I’m tired of having a stomach that I can’t hide, I’m tired of feeling like I can’t have fun unless I’m drunk enough or high enough to numb that voice that’s always nagging me, I’m just tired of feeling disappointment. I can’t even enjoy the successes I do have in life, because nothing will be good enough, until I lose the weight. It’s been 3 years of constant failure, and I know you can’t fail unless you quit and all that shit, but still I’ve had every opportunity to reach this goal. I’m too young to feel this way. I’m 23, I should be having the time of my life, but instead I’m still letting the same insecurities I’ve had since the age of 12 define me. I can’t find a balance of staying track, while still occasionally having some fun. I end up beating myself up and falling into a state of miserable gluttony. I know I can can do it, I know what it feels like to be in control, I know I’m worth it. I just need to let myself have it. I just want to be happy.
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