Wardrobe Revamping

Let me start off by telling you that I can’t even think of a time in my twenty-one years of living that I ever felt comfortable in my own skin – my weight and how I look.

I wouldn’t even sugarcoat it anymore, yes, I’ve always been fat and I hated it but can’t seem to push myself enough to do something about it. I wanted to be comfortable, wanted to blend in with my friends so that judging eyes would finally leave me be, and trust me, I tried to be healthy, tried to eat clean and attempted to go to the gym amidst my busy college schedule but after a week, and I was already pulling myself back down to lazyville.

So, fast forward to November 2017 and I’ve been unemployed for five months by that time. I was stuck, didn’t know what to do, and continuously threw pity parties everyday because more and more, I’ve been growing to hate myself worse than I’ve already hated myself before.

Also, I’ve gained so much unwanted weight due to all the stress and the minimal activities that I’ve been doing. It was my downfall, I believe.

18th of November, while my mom and I were doing our morning walk, I’ve decided that I’d commit to a diet that I’ve grown interest with in the past month, which is the Ketogenic diet. By this time, it’s nearing the peak of its hype. The main person that inspired me to push through with it is Billy Crawford because his transformation is impressive, really, and I’ve seen him transform since I watch this noontime show everyday where he’s one of the hosts.

So, November 19, I started with the diet with so much self-motivation and determination. I was so motivated to do the diet and would do anything in my will to succeed because by this point, I was already feeling hopeless with myself and I felt the need to change this particular self issue.

I basically cut off carbs and consumed a decent amount of protein and much needed fat in my system. I read numerous articles and saved guides in my phone for easier access. I researched recipes fit to the diet and most of all, my mom guided me thoroughly.

Going to present time of the year-long diet, I’ve honestly been seeing changes – changes that I’ve never seen my body go through before. I feel energetic and less lazy, my immune system’s been so much better, my skin’s feeling fresher, and I’ve been losing numbers on the scale. Back then, I wouldn’t let a soul see the digits clambering whenever I’d step foot on a weighing scale, not a soul. Seriously.

With that being said, I’m starting to feel more uncomfortable with my clothes rather than my own self now. I feel so much more confident with my self but less with the way my clothes look on me.

I used to always wear short-sleeved button down shirts with a pair of plain black leggings and a pair of beaten down Toms or Vans – it was my safety blanket, as I’d like to call it. I thought the entire get-up would be this long-term phase but as I lost weight, and clothes became more loose on me, I’m starting to think that I hate it and how it made me look. I felt like I was going back to hating how I look, entirely, and I didn’t want to go back to that sort of negativity.

One night, mindlessly, I went through this closet where I basically dump my clean bed sheets and  plastic bags of unused clothes. I threw said bags on my floor and with so much determination, went over to my art supplies drawer and grabbed the sharpest pair of scissors that I own.

What did I do?

One by one, I went over the articles of clothing. I picked out the shirts, and just looking at them, they seemed too large and long for my liking now (mind you, I kept them in there for years because they never really fit decently on me). I put them on, went in front of the mirror and decided that hey, maybe a little DIY wouldn’t hurt.

With that thought in mind, I did just that, cutting at least five inches off of the hem of the shirts and wearing them again right after a few snips, strutting in front of my body mirror and liking how they turned out.

Oh, gosh, that felt too empowering, not gonna lie!

It started from one experimental pink shirt and from there, I couldn’t seem to find the energy in me to stop from there. The feeling is too liberating, as dramatic as that may sound, but it was! I liked the feeling of grabbing an abandoned shirt, fitting them and revamping it to fit me to a size and style that I feel happy looking myself in the mirror with – for the first time in forever.

So here I am now, a cleaner closet, free with more space and new sets of clothes that I’m finally happy with!

I am motivated to lose more weight and to be better, healthier. I went through with the diet with a clear intention; to make myself happy and contented with the way I look, not for my family, not for my friends, not for the people around me, but for me and my own contentment.

Here’s what I’ve learned in this entire process so far:

1. If you want to change something with yourself, be sure that your motive is clear.
2. Do change for yourself and your well being, not for other’s satisfaction and praise.
3. Consistency, determination, and proper mindset are key!
4. Drinking at least eight glasses of water really does wonders.
5. Dieting really is hard but once you start seeing results and changes, it’s really rewarding.

Also, now I have to deal with these scraps and I’m sure this would turn into a bigger pile in the future. Do you have any suggestion/s on what I should do with them?

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