eating can be self harm
there are many forms of self harm out there, just as there are many forms of addiction.
tonight i learned that my eating problem has grown from an addiction to self harm. i, (f18, 5’6, 138lbs) have a problem with eating way too much at night. i usually have one meal during the day and some snacks but at night time ill finish a box of cereal and drink sodas until i have consumed well over 1000 calories.
but im not hungry when i eat.
when i would eat, it used to be because i just really wanted to feel as full as possible, eventually i stopped that and lost 5lbs. now, i eat way too much because it makes me sad, and i always think about very skinny women when do. i think about how disgusting it makes me to eat so much every night and vow to be better tomorrow. tonight i was eating my way through some strawberries and realized how my problem had evolved. i was purposely hurting myself. i see people on this sub use the term “sabotaging” often and its such a perfect word for my situation.
so tomorrow i WILL recognize my problem (ive done it before and i CAN do it again) and i will overcome it. i’ve started a mostly vegan vegetarian diet. i say this because i eat like a vegan except for butter haha. anyway, im also calorie counting and trying to wake up earlier, eat more throughout the day, and stop at one serving size snack per night (also gonna try fasting again). i know my situation isnt the worst in the world, but its my main stressor. i do yoga nightly to calm myself (which i do recommend, its insane how it works) and ive started exercising again as well.
in conclusion, goals are possible, you just have to accept things sometimes.
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