Gained 10lbs in a month
Rant.
When I track all my calories, make sure to get half an hour of light exercise in per day, and stick to a budget, I manage to lose 0.5lbs to 1lbs per week.
Then I stop and boom, it flies up. I would get if it's just a few pounds, but no, last month I was at 248 and today I'm at 258. One month.
The worst part? I know it's my own fault. Crappy food, take-out, no exercise cause I'm fat and out of shape and walking with a mask makes me gasp for breath within minutes, alcohol to cope with not going outside. It adds up. I know it. It's not good. It's my own fault.
I can blame external factors. I can blame starting birth control again. Or my metabolism. But it's just me and my terrible habits. It's killing me. I know it's gonna take me two months at least to lose it again. Then it's keeping track, forever, because I can't be trusted without that discipline.
Normally, I'm positive and optimistic and seldom let things get me down. But fuck. I want to be able to walk outside and not gasp for breath because I can't breath in masks. I want to fit in clothes that look good on me. I want to be able to look at my legs without feeling disgusted. I want to be able to jog without my belly flopping up and down more than my boobs.
I want to be healthy. It just looks like such an insurmountable goal.
But it's a goal. So I'm back to tracking and eating more fibers and protein. Back to exercising at home. Because I can grump and look at myself hating my body, but those aren't what's gonna change my body. I'm who's gonna change my body. Slowly, very, very slowly. But surely. Even if it is 30 pounds down, ten pounds back, each year.
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