I don’t know how to eat healthy and at a deficit without obsessing

This is something I truly struggle with. I don’t know why, but food, dieting, health etc. always become an obsession when I’m steadfastly trying to lose weight. I’ll check here and read people’s posts, and I swear I get some dopamine rush from the obsession. It interferes with my work somewhat, where my heart’s not really in it because I’m thinking about meals, meal-planning, googling recipes, buying fun cooking supplies or whatever, wondering when I’ll hit X weight (scrolling through my calendar app and seeing what I’d weigh on X day if I lost X weight), et cetera.

It’s no better when I’m not on a diet, as I binge eat mindlessly— the opposite of obsessing, where I’m studiously avoiding thinking about food, dieting, and health. Like I will find myself eating something without even consciously deciding to. It’s confusing.

I feel like if I don’t think about it constantly, I’ll slip up. But the hyper vigilance feels like an unhealthy obsession. I have problems getting obsessed with things where some random thing will take over all my thoughts, it’s not just with food. (I’m really good at trivia because of this, lol.) But I think feeling hungry since I’m at a calorie deficit, paired with having to spend more time preparing food, and doing CICO calculations, are making it hard to live life without thinking excessively about my health and fitness goals.

I should mention a few extra things: I’ve smoked on and off for about 10 years, with long stretches—sometimes years— without a smoke. I’m still taking nicotine lozenges sometimes though. I’m about 30 pounds overweight, with a goal of losing 40 pounds.

Does anyone else have experience with this? How do you balance it so you don’t slip up (am I the only one who sometimes momentarily forgets I’m on a diet??) but also maintain mental equilibrium?

I think on the whole, my goal is important enough to me that I’m willing to withstand the repetitive thoughts if it means achieving my goal. But my ultimate goal is to be so used to eating healthy that it doesn’t occupy so much mental space.

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