So a long story about constantly restarting
So this is a long story. Like 7 or 8 years ago I was doing awesome. Doing t25 and insanity. Using my fitness pal. I felt great was at 200 pounds. Once that was done and a bit of real life changes happened. Tried going back andngettin in the groove again. It never formulated.
4 years ago I start going to CrossFit and learning about diets and started shedding off the weight again and gaining some muscle. Really awesome actually got a few pounds under 200 which was pretty awesome. But then I started giving up. My drive for doing everything changed when I wasn't happy at the gym anymore. I had changed locations and I felt like I was giving up.
March 2020 I hurt my back at the gym. I could barely get out of bed for 2 to 3 weeks. Took along time to move around with out pain. So of course I ate my feeling. That same week my area everything shut down due to covid. Really sucked especially once I could start moving around. So tried following my macros was doing okay but once I finally returned to work ( we were consider a essential company) I was promoted to a supervisor. And this is where I start going off the rails.
The stress I didn't account for. 30 year employees fighting my every word ( I'm really just a glorified middle man) bringing that stress home and breweries just reopening was great. Every weekend at least pop in for a food truck and a couple beers maybe 2 times in a weekend. I though I had it under control. I was still in a caloric deficient all week and balancing not ruining the weekend. ( Or so I thought)
I developed another issue. Weekly when I'm by my self doing some food shopping or errands or laundry my brain thinks it's time to go ham and eat all the junk before I get home. I didn't think in my 40s I would be doing that. I'd hit a Wendy's or sonic or burger king and just over eat and be sick to my stomach the next day. But always with the mind set I'll restart tomorrow.
Finally this year we join a gym in the beginning. We get a good few months in and feeling good again. I started paying attention to my diet, but the junk and beer issue didn't stop. We actually found out this gym was closing it's doors while at a brewery.
Fast forward to today. Started 2 weeks ago working out in our apartment. We have some equipment enough to get my now 230lb self sweating profusely. But had a couple beers yesterday and some food from a food truck and then stopped on the way home and got some snacks.....
I'm ashamed in myself for getting this bad. I have redone my macros over and over as I've gained weight. My macros originally worked but I get so defeated on doing them some times. Some days I barely get 1200 in due to work and just by the time I get home. At work you can't eat on the floor (factory work) only during breaks and in a 10 hour day it's 15 15 30 and I still can only get in so much. Then at home it's like stuff yourself to get as close as you can. There are some days I'm like I just want to eat a little and go to bed instead. Then it basically goes to a vicious circle and starts again the next week. Sometimes I feel like as easy as macros are it's either to much of a chore or I make it seem that way.
I didn't want to be going on vacation next month looking as crappy as I do.
Thanks for reading . This was me venting and seeing it in writing has really made me realize some things. And this can happen to anyone at any age.
I need to start and keep on track.
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