Turning over a new leaf and beginning again
For the last few nights, I've been having mental breakdowns about my weight. But to begin my story, before covid back in 2019 I managed to lose the most weight I've ever lost in my life and dropped down to 230lbs, that was my lowest weight since I was a teen, but then I started having bad life events one after another and they started chipping away at me little by little over time. I ended up gaining about 35lbs before covid hit. I managed to be one of the first to catch it as in early 2020 is when I had it the first time. Shortly after I got well I moved away from where I was. I weighed in at 270lbs at the time of the move. When I got settled into the new place, the lockdown was in effect so I stayed home with my then-girlfriend for the next 9 months pretty much just playing video games and only going out when the shopping was needed. I managed to stay at roughly the same weight throughout that.
The worst part is, where I was during the lockdown we had the majority of businesses shut down, and there weren't jobs so unfortunately, I stayed home most of the time. After some time, my then gf and I split. It was bad and I was devastated. Due to that mental state, I gained about 50 lbs over 3 months due to the stress binging I have an issue with bringing me up to 320lbs. I finally managed to find a job and had that for a long while. I then fluctuated down and up the same 20 lbs for a few months before my chronic depression won for a while and I was a mess. With my stress eating and the external stress I was facing, I managed to gain back all the weight I had lost and was now once again over 400lbs... I managed to stay at this same weight for the last 6 months and recently started losing it slowly once again. Maybe a pound here and there at best but it was and is something.
All this brings me to this weekend. For the last 3 nights, I've had somewhat of a breakdown over my weight. But I think I've won. I promised myself I would take better care of myself in the new year, and I've done a lot this last month in doing so. I guess that makes today the day where I turn over a new leaf and do this journey all over again. But that's ok. I'm 28 now and initially began this at 23. I thought I would've been done by now and living my best life, but progress isn't always linear. I just managed to get a little lost along the way but I think I've found the path again. All in all, I'm happy I'm turning over a new leaf.
Please excuse any grammatical errors or structure errors. I wrote this after breaking down.
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