Help me surpass my former self
Ch 1 - In the Mirror
2016.
Growing up in a family where being thin is considered unhealthy (parents not taking care of their children properly), I have been pretty much overweight all my life. My weight used to increase in increments of 10kgs (22lbs) every grade. By 12th grade, I was 120kgs (265lbs). I never really thought much about it until the bullying started. The man boobs were beginning to become more apparent when even my friends used to poke and grope them trying to make fun of me. I still didn't think much of it at first thinking I'm a man and these shouldn't affect me much. I started noticing everything I've ignored up until now. Everyone around me is not my friend. They pretend to be my friend but made fun of my fat self in the back. I started getting insecure in my own skin.
I finally take a look in the mirror.
Ch 2 - A Promise
2017.
Graduation year 1, My mind was mature enough after I came to reality with the mirror. This change was ignited by a reflection. I went to this store where the refrigerator reflected such a thin and fit image of myself that I wanted to be that reflection. I decided it was time for a change.
I made a promise to myself that no matter what, I'm going all out until I look like that.
Ch 3 - Redemption
Alright here's the plan me:
You're 120kgs (265lbs), 5ft 9in.
You're NOT getting bullied again.
You're gonna bully your bullies.
You're gonna chase after that reflection.
The journey from day one to one day started.
Ch 4 - This is it
2018.
120 became 110, 110 became 100 and I was finally in the two digits. 97kgs (214lbs).
5XL to XL. Waist 46 to 38.
All it took was around 8 months.
I was seeing myself more often in the mirror. An intermittent diet and discipline got me through this. Finally took a lot of selfies years after taking one.
Ch 5 - Anything more than 5 reps is Cardio
Being exposed to anime around this time, I wanted to become Goku. I had enough of jumping around (cardio). Time to get stronger. Lifting weights became the new norm and I naturally was surprised by how heavy I could lift compared to the person that started around the same time as me. I punched, punched and punched the boxing bag until it stopped hurting all of a sudden. The gym guy was terrified after I put dents in the boxing bag and that put a smile on my face. Whenever I used to punch the bag, everyone at the gym used to look at me. That made me feel like I was getting stronger, lifting stronger.
I was strong enough. I felt like I could take revenge on my bullies until I realised being strong is not about hurting the weak. It's about protecting them. I wouldn't bully the weak. That's not who I am.
And life went on...
Everything was perfect until it appeared...
Ch 6 - The Wall
No matter how much I exercised, the scale always showed 97kgs (214lbs). I started starving myself. I sustained a diet that turned me into an emotional maniac. I survived a month on two cucumbers and 30 eggs whites a day and plenty of water. Driven by rage, I slept through the hungry nights holding my stomach hard and my exercise intensity the same.
Whenever I saw food, my mouth watered like an animal at this point. I was annoyed and angry at small things. It worked, and I saw results. I was able to get down to around 90kgs (199lbs).
The wall is back again. The scale has stopped. My body got used to the new starvation.
Ch 7 - Let Go
Covid happened. The 25kg (55lbs) dumbbell at home feels light now, I don't feel the pump and the motivation anymore. I think I need to take a break.
Time to let go.
Ch 8 - Present
I've been presented with a harsh reality that I slipped control of myself and fell to the hardest rebound possible. It was eating at first sight. If it's edible, I ate it. Every diet is failing me now.
Back to 120kgs (265lbs) again. I don't look as fat as then. I went back to the gym but can't find the reason to pick the dumbbell up now.
I've lost the drive, the will, the motivation to pick up weights.
Help me surpass my former self.
Pictures: https://imgur.com/a/JmVQmk4
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