Day One
It's time.
I'm the heaviest I've ever been at 5"1, 320lbs. I can feel death. Sounds dramatic, but it's true. I feel my body making the changes.
I've made excuse after excuse. I keep referencing back to when I lost "all that weight" a few years ago. To be fair, I lost 60lbs. But, I was in my early twenties then and it's been 5 years now... it's not "a few years ago" anymore.
I can't fit on the rides at Disney and Universal. People don't want to sit next to me on airplanes. A flight attendant gave me an extra seat on a fully packed flight just so "everyone can be comfortable." When my friends are comfortably walking, I'm out of breath next to them.
I just got a huge promotion and now I have hundreds of people looking at me to continue and increase the success of our program.
Yet, I feel depressed. Alone. Scared I won't be able to fight the cravings and light up my reward center with food. Angry at how far I've let myself go.
Embarrassed.
I had a decent breakfast today, for the first time in a while. Oatmeal and baked chicken (it's all I have, really). I've been drinking upwards to 12-13 cups of water a day for the past two weeks.
There are no trails around me (which is how I lost all my weight before- hiking and body weight training). There are only open park trails where everyone will see me struggling to breathe and move. They'll see my insecurities.
But I'm tired of making that an excuse.
It's time.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2NGcfzW
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