Fell into bad habits and want to get back on track.

I think I just need to vent in order to be honest with myself. Anyone else fall off the bandwagon and develop some bad habits?

I have lost about 40 pounds in the past two years and been maintaining for about a year. In the past six months, I began chewing and spitting food. Still do, unfortunately. I have been attempting to stop because I want to and it's gross and expensive. But it is hard to stop.

Then I began dating this dude and while he is a healthy eater, we both fell off the bandwagon. It's easy to rationalize unhealthy meals when you have a partner in crime. I believe I eat like shit maybe four days out of the week? I may have gained about ten pounds and I don't want to gain a pound more!

But my control has been terrible. I'll have great intentions and just screw it up later in the day. I believe my problem lies in that I am unable to prepare my meals because the guy I have been seeing eats out a lot. Also, alcohol. If I drink, I may or may not cut loose. It's a roulette.

Even today, my parents came and visited and of course, brought Christmas goodies. I did indulge. I did not chew and spit, although I am thinking about it. Tomorrow, they want to take me to breakfast. My goal right now is to stop eating for tonight, do not chew and spit, and survive breakfast.

I am mostly dreading now til the end of the year since this season is every dieter's worst nightmare. But even if I fail... I know I can get back on track. I know what I need to do and I have the tools to do it. I just feel disenchanted, shitty, and ugly gaining this weight.

Thanks for listening. Like I asked above, any similar stories? I would like to hear. Love you all!

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