Struggling to maintain healthy relationship with food
Hi all. As the title says, I am finding myself struggling to develop and maintain a healthy relationship with food.
Some background about me: I’m 20 years old, “5’3, and 208 pounds. When I was 16 years old I developed an eating disorder and dropped from around 165 pounds all the way to around 125 in around two months. I was eating every few days and always thought I was just “pretending” to have an eating disorder. My family moved across country my senior year of high school and from then until my freshman year of college I gained roughly 60 pounds, some from when I was recovering from my ED and some later on from binge eating. I went from 185-205 end of my freshman year of college. I’ve been basically maintaining since then, with bouts of losing 5-15 pounds but gaining it right back.
I’m still having problems with binge eating. I’ve talked to my therapist about it but none of her solutions have worked for me. Every time I think I’ve nailed it down, it comes back up again. I’m worried that once I do begin to lose weight, that I’ll once again develop the reverse side and start severely restricting my food intake a lot.
Has anyone else experienced this massive flux in your relationship with food, and how do you overcome it? It feels like no matter what I do, I’m going to not find a healthy balance at what I eat and how often. I feel like the exercising part of losing weight is easy, it is the diet I cannot seem to get right. I’ll have one good week and the next week I find myself eating 20 pizza rolls at 1 A.M. Just looking for anyone with similar experiences or advice from any perspective.
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