This is it.
How’s it going everyone, been lurking for a while now but today’s the day I change for the better (again)... I apologize for the lingo rant in advance but writing my story out helps motivate my self.
Iv always been the bigger guy my whole life. When I was super young I was average but that quickly changed after my dad committed suicide at 9. I never realized until recently how that trauma shaped the person I am today. I was completely lost after that, I went from just a regular to kid “that kid” and with out realizing started using food as a coping mechanism, the “good” feeling from devouring food helped push the shit I was dealing with internally to the background... this last all of my childhood/adolescence... when I Graduated HS in 2011 I was some where between 240-255lbs standing at about 5’9.... safe to say I resembled a damn bowling ball.... freshman year of college nothing really changed... now Iv never had issues making friends but what I wanted as an 18-19yr old was the female attention everyone else in the dorms was getting... its never came... I didn’t change... still no attention other than talking to females about their “guy” trouble.... fast forward a year or two and I moved into a big party house on campus and was determined to be some one new... I started off slow going to the gym often (3-5days week)... I Was HOOKED after the first couple pounds down.. the. My best friends dad introduced me to tracking macros (he had just lost 35ish lbs).. I bought a food scale the next day.. the rest was history... I stayed consistent and went from 245ish - 175 by the time I moved out of the college house... my new found confidence was INCREDIBLE l, I no longer was seeking attention or approval from females, instead I had females seeking me out.. let me tell ya this was one if the best feelings I have EVER had... I got comfortable and while I still kept lifting the tracking slowed down and ultimately stopped but maintained between 180-195 for a few years with out even trying while also enjoying my self.
Fast forward to 2017-2017... I got my first “real” girlfriend (i quote real as I had quite a few fling s but no one I would do anything for)... boy oh boy did I fall HARD... the relationship started out amazing... I loved everything about her and her family, I even let her meet my family (this is huge for me cause I am very cautious about who meets my family)... I slowly started cutting off friend that had been there since day one to be with her... and then it started going down hill... the first time she cheated (just a kiss but to me that’s cheating, and only god knows if that was the truth...) she cried and cried and exclaimed how much she loved me I took her back.... after this we played the break up every other month game.... eventually it got to the point I had enough... I remember we argued a while and eventually told her do what ever and she left to go out.... I resorted to what I always do and grabbed the bottle of pills and alcohol and coped the only way I knew how (other than food).... this is where shit gets dark... I woke up the next day to a call from my stepdad saying I need to get home now.... I drive to his house and open the door to see paramedics doing CPR on my mom.... they were unsuccessful... my mother passed away at the young age of 45..... and here I am, no father, no mother, and my girlfriend who I would do anything for just left me... I was a mess.... only person I wanted to talk to was her... eventually we got back together... (mistake....) and I thought I was ok..... then she cheated again and left me for good... at this point I was an absolute wreck.... I started drinking all day everyday, doing hard drugs, popping pills, etc... Iv never felt so alone... and then I lost my job (company shut down).... I didn’t think I could get any lower..... suicide was in my mind daily... eventually I packed up my belongings and left from MN to CO to try to start over... it went well for a while but I started to get into a dark spot again... drinking...drugs... etc.... I started to crave female again thinking with out it in just a loser.....
I wish I could say this was months ago and I’m now doing great but the fact of the matter is.. today is day one. Today is the day I take my life back from depression and get back into the one hobby that brought so much joy into my life, fitness... I’m determined to get ME back.. the Confidence...the good attitude... the person I FELL IN LOVE WITH... it’s not going to be easy but I’m determined. I went and got a new food scale, BW scale, and meal prepped for the week. I’m hoping me positing my story and telling the world (reddit world) that I’m taking my life back is the motivation I need to do it... if not I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around if I keep up my recent lifestyle..... cheers to you guys, lurking and reading about the success all of you have had is giving me the push I need! I am currently writing this as I get my preworkout ready for this lift that is much needed!
Starting weight: 196lbs Goal: 185lbs
It’s gonna take a while but I’m determined to get back the strength I had before my life went down the drain-
Bench- 285lbs Squat- 345lbs Dead lift- 375lbs
LETS DO THIS
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