Did anyone else's journey start with lots of internal arguing and excuses?

Apologies in advance for formatting, I'm on mobile.

I (22F) just can't stop fighting myself about working out. I started weight lifting in October and I had really gotten into it... Until January when I just... Stopped. I didn't really plateau, I just stopped going. I don't really know why. I loved leaving the gym sweaty and wobbly, not being able to walk. Such a good feeling.

I'd struggled heavily with the diet portion, mostly. I have nut and soy allergies so I have a really hard time finding recipes I like, not only that, but I start work at 2:30pm and get off at 11pm, usually exhausted out of my mind, so meal prep is a challenge I just don't want to take. I work a desk job so I'm constantly snacking (workplace also has free soda machines, yikes.)

I keep telling myself that I could lose all this weight if I just had my birth control taken out and get my ass in gear. But I also told myself that when I had a breast reduction 2 years ago. I know it's a drive issue and the voice in the back of my head is telling me that I don't want this bad enough. I'm 5'5", 200-someodd lbs, and tired of fighting myself. I absolutely do want this!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who made a big mental pile of excuses before really starting, and if you have any advice, I'm desperate.

Thank you, sorry for the rant.

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