I(25M) blame myself for my girlfriend's(25F) substantial weight gain
We've dated since we were both 16, dated through college, live together now.
I’m someone who doesn’t like to tell others what to do, I don’t like to be perceived as bossy or demanding, I don’t like conflict or potentially hurting other’s feelings over “ the truth hurts” crap. Live & let live.
She has put on about 100 pounds since we started dating. Early in high school, she was active, played tennis & swam, but quit, so her 2 pieces of exercise were gone. From there, the list is this: bad cafeteria food, eating poorly in college, booze, snacking with friends, unhealthy dinner dates with me. Statistically, she’s obese.
The way I view it, she doesn’t seem to mind or express any want to change, and I don’t want to be seen, if I were to voice a concern, as the guy who “ fat shames” his girlfriend or as a misogynist or anything, so, I say nothing. Obviously what you weigh at 25 is not going to be what you were at 15, I just don’t want to see her struggles continuing & just for her to get bigger & bigger. As a person, I love her, shes incredible, but just physically, it’s hard to watch her be her weight, and not want change. No, I can’t force change & she has to want it, and for all I know, she’s happy in her body. It wouldn’t be news to her shes put on weight. It’s just, I’m in a spot where, I don’t want to come off like a jerk, but, I don’t want for her to one day wake up deadly overweight.
I’ll do little nudges here and there, just, “ Hey, I’m going for a walk, wanna join?” “If I get this assorted fruit box thing, will you have any?” Always “ no, I’m fine’.
I feel like a horrible person, because, I’ve convinced myself, maybe rightfully, maybe wrongfully, that I’m enabling it by staying quiet.
TLDR: Am I enabling? Is my approach & attitude damaging?
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