Today is the day I stop obsessing over food for good!
By the time this post goes online, it will be just after midnight where I live and I have a declaration to make.
I won't bore you with details, but I have lost all the weight I ever wanted to lose plus more, but I am still so fixated on food. I pay close attention to exactly when I eat. Eat too late? No go, not because of calories (I haven't counted in months) or anything, but my weight on the scale the next morning will be higher.
I just rewatched an episode of Agents of Shield where at the end, they all sit down to have a beer together and it clicked for me: I know how to eat healthy amounts and maintain a healthy weight, I already eat whatever I want, but I still have this weird obsession, so I would never be able to just sit down for a spontaneous beer.
I don't want to live like that. I want to be at peace with my body and myself without this strange semi-obsession. This is it, this is the last step I need to take to finally fully recover from my disordered eating and I think, no, I am convinced that I am ready to take that step now.
To an end with obsessive behavior and onwards to a glorious summer filled with good memories and positive thoughts about myself, my body and life in general. Things are hard right now, but I can do it. If anything, this quarantine gives me ample time to figure my stuff out, there's always a silver lining.
Wish me luck!
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