Freeze what you want to binge on
I am not very good at controlling the amount of food I consume. And I'm still learning to deal with that. Just yesterday I made a healthy(ish) dish of arugula, broccoli, carrots, ginger, pork, beef, and noodles in some teriyaki sauce. It was really good, and I was proud of myself because now I'd cooked a healthy option for the next couple of days so I wouldn't just go to the kitchen hungry and cook some KD instead. But what really happened is it's been 17 hours (Feel free to subtract my five hours of sleep) and I've eaten all but one portion.
I had a quality breakdown over this, it really screws with my self-esteem. I was stuck in that loop of "If I just eat it, it's not there anymore and I won't be tempted to eat it again and I want it so bad I'm just gonna binge on it eventually why not now. But I'll hate myself if I eat it because I couldn't resist eating on measly serving of food, ya know da drill. I tried to do some research on binge eating, but I always end up in the fatlogic part of the internet whenever I do that.
But I did have an idea. What if I just stored it in a less easy to access way? What if I just took it out of the fridge and chucked it into the freezer? If I'm actually hungry, I can heat it back up, but it's just enough resistance for my monkey brain. I also had half a bag of skittles lying around from a (Covid-Friendly) party, I kept reaching into grab a few, multiple times a day, yep, still not great at not eating unless I'm hungry. But guess what happened when I froze them? Nothing, I didn't eat them, because they're cold and terrible. If I ever need them, I can pull them out and let them defrost, but it just released such a weight of temptation off of me.
Next steps for me is to just keep buying healthy food. This is my first year out on my own, so I did the college student thing of buying a bunch of KD and ramen only to find it cost half as much as my monthly eating budget, and lasts me way longer than I thought it would, from one month to the current 2 and a half and counting. (The one upside of binging is that when I do eat at a healthy amount, I'll eat a roasted carrot or two a day and be completely satisfied) But now I know I really can afford healthy food. I've been buying discount salads and vegetables as they come up (I just freeze them and pull out as need be) I've really been missing seafood, so I think I'll buy a chunk of salmon and some shrimp next time I go shopping. Any advice on how to prepare those without frying it in butter?
I also had a chance to refresh my brain on the benefits of rat park (Your brain gets addicted to things because it's bored and sad, therefore if you entertain it and give it friends it will struggle less with addiction) So tomorrow I'm going on a mushroom identification hike. I also plan on threatening asking some people from my course out to coffee every week. I was doing some reflection earlier, and the only things I really despise about myself are my eating habits, my social circle, and my work ethic when it comes to school (I love my real job, but had to take some extra classes on the weekend so I haven't been able to get my self-esteem up from that recently)
Since I'm already rambling, I might as well give you guys some advice. Go get a job, and get a real one. Work at a job that challenges you, that forces you to build new skills. I sell fabric to people and I love helping them with all of their projects. There's so much creativity, and problem solving, memory recall (Do you still have the one with leaves on it? Mam, I could give you 90 different options and counting), and salesmanship. I love selling things to people, and over the past four years, I've gotten rather good at it. It's really a keystone in my self-esteem. Having a job also allows you to do finances. My family was weird, so I never had access to my money until March of this year (You may remember that was an interesting month to finally go on the spending spree I dreamed of) but now that I have it, I love saving it and spending it. I've gotten so many good meals, good clothes, good experiences. It's allowed me to turn the new space I'm living in, into a home. I mean, right next to me as I type this is $400 in decorative books I had to buy because the tests are put on a not free software. But on the other side of my laptop is some vanilla rooibos tea with honey (delicious) that I could buy because I wanted it, and underneath it is my planning journal. No longer do I worry about remembering my assignments, because now I just write them down every Sunday. Having my own money is amazing, and I can't wait until I can go back to work so I can start paying off my student loans the government hasn't even sent me yet.
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