I cancelled a date because I’m too ashamed of my weight.
Classic story of pandemic hit and I piled on the pounds. I’m now the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’m unhappy with how I look and just can’t comprehend how someone else could.
Before lockdown, I was at the gym regularly. I had weekly PT sessions and I actually ran a half marathon in March. When lockdown hit, my PT dropped off the face of the earth and was unreachable. I was stranded, abandoned and alone. Bad habits became regular habits. I was redeployed to the wards for COVID cover and the only food I saw was hospital food.
Now lockdown has been eased and gyms are open again, I decided not to go back to my old PT or gym. I signed up to CrossFit but as my shifts are 12.5hrs and 4+/- a week, it’s become a chore to get booked in due to my shift patterns.
Like everyone else who may be single, I’ve decided to dabble with online dating again. Previously, I could take it or leave it. I’ve had some success, including the offer of a date earlier today. I was excited and then terrified. I didn’t want to go. Not because of date nerves but more because I wasn’t comfortable getting dressed up to meet someone for the first time, whilst I’m at my heaviest.
I’ve vowed that I can’t keep living my life this way. I’m not happy and actively avoiding things that could be good for me has been the final nail in the coffin.
I’ve booked the gym for this week (around my shifts) and vowed to eat my own meals/ food prep to eat better. It’s the start of taking back control of my life.
TL;DR: was invited on a date for the first time in a while. Actively avoided and cancelled due to feeling too self-conscious about my weight being the heaviest I’ve ever been. It’s the wake up call I need to get my life back together!
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