Saw a video of myself today and cried for 20 minutes

Saw a video of me performing today. Everyone left nice comments but when I saw it, my jaw dropped. I knew I gained all of my weight back since the virus came. I knew it was bad. My S.O even told me to remember the camera adds 15 lbs. But it still got me.

I remember being so happy to be on stage again. I forgot a camera was recording me and just let go.

Now watching it, I felt sick and angry at myself. I could only watch 20 seconds before I turned it off and cried alone for 20 minutes. Luckily no one was home so I just let it all out. I let all the anger at myself come out.

I've been trying to fight this for months. since March.

I got down to a normal BMI for the 2ND TIME in February. I was so happy.

Then, in March, I saw the pounds go up. "oh, the quarantine 5 lbs" I thought.

​

But 5 turned to 10, 20, so on until I'm back to my highest weight of all time. I'm in the morbid obese category at 5'1 and 178 lbs. I cried asking myself how I let it happen?

I cried asking myself would I ever stop?

I cried realizing I had to do it all over again for the 3rd time when I could be maintaining happily.

I cried asking myself if I have the strength to even do it again.

I cried because I have been trying for months and just see the scale going up.

​

But I know it's because I'm comfort eating. I have to do something. I came here because I keep seeing posts of others in similar situations and thought I should post mine. Maybe I can push myself to stop this.

Thanks for reading. I've started weighing myself daily. It seems to be the only thing that helps keep the scale from going up at least. Now if I could just get it to go down again....

​

Any tips, advice, or any comment is appreciated.

submitted by /u/beachcalsix
[link] [comments]

from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/37OQ1bj