I thrifted a bunch of smaller clothes expecting them to fit in a few months. They fit now. The body dysmorphia is startling. (vent)

(they/them please don’t misgender) Basically title.

I’ve been losing weight since the summer after my freshman year (2017) through CICO and bouts of exercise. I went from 185 to 155, maintained for years, shot up to 166 during the beginning of COVID, and have lost 23 pounds since May last year. I was always the fat kid in school and had very little confidence or anything. I never took good pictures. Always had to have a goofy face.

My lovely partner and I went thrifting yesterday and I bought a LOT of clothes expecting most of them to fit okay now (if not a bit big) and some smaller pieces to fit sometime in the fall. Ive always been a medium to large person clothing size, and never thought about buying smalls.

Everything I bought fit. Most of it was too big and I have to tailor them. I bought this size 8 wool skirt that fit yesterday even with extreme bloating from alcohol the night before. I have a small sweater vest that hangs loosely. Some size 7 plaid shorts that are a bit uncomfortable around my thighs but still fit. A gorgeous size 6 black formal dress with a fitted top that I want to make into a matching set that I managed to get into this morning. It was a tight fit, but that’s the thing: it fit.

I always shopped in 12-14 when I used to go shopping for clothes. I thought I’d maybe be a size 10 now. But an 8? A 6? I don’t know my body. I looked at myself in the mirror, like really looked at myself, and I don’t recognize my body.

This is the thing people don’t talk often enough about. The loss of self. Not knowing what you look like to such an extent that I refuse to believe my partner when they call me small. Ive already had one anxiety attack this morning to be blunt, and I’m sure there will be more along the way. It’s just part of the process, I suppose. I just hope one day I’ll be able to comfortably look in the mirror and say yes, that IS my body.

submitted by /u/alexarbusto
[link] [comments]

from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3uWZfKG