If food is the only thing that makes you happy, seek help :)
2020 was a hard year for a lot of us, but really great for me overall. I graduated nursing school last year and finally started making ok wages with decent health insurance. I had been neglecting my physical and mental health for my entire schooling because I had no insurance and could not afford to get anything dealt with.
In September I tried doing therapy and eventually stopped going because I literally lacked the energy to show up. I didn't try again until May of this year. I began to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. Getting diagnosed with a mood disorder and finally having medication to treat it has completely changed my life and relationship with food.
Before this time, food was literally the only thing that brought me joy. Yes, there were other things that made me happy for a time, but nothing quite compared to food. I thought I had a food addiction and that I was just too weak to break my addiction to food. I failed time and time again trying to give up my best friend, food. This lead to some really fucked up cycles of binge eating and restricting. I could never succeed at weight loss efforts in the past because losing weight to me also meant losing the only thing that brought me joy in life.
Fast forward to today and the scale is finally moving in the right direction. I haven't made any major diet or exercise changes. The biggest change has been working on my mental health. Being depressed drained the all the vitality from my life. I've noticed little things like actually having the energy to cook my dinner instead of ordering takeout after work. Yesterday I moved the clean laundry mountain from the bed to the laundry basket before lying down for bed. I used to just flop into bed next to the laundry mountain because the sheer THOUGHT of having to move the clothes from bed to the basket seemed insurmountable. I always take my contacts out before sleeping now and simple things like brushing my teeth before bed don't seem like a chore.
The list of shit that has changed is endless. I don't want to make this any longer, so I just want to say if any of this resonates with you, get help if you can. I still have to actively say no to overeating but the difference is hills vs mountains. I can say no now because food is not the only thing in my life that makes me happy.
I am not the lazy, weak, food addicted failure I thought I was for the past 10 years. I just self medicated with food and now I don't have to.
s/n: If you live in the dystopian capitalist nightmare that is the US, there are a surprising number of drugs for mental health that are affordable without insurance. If you can afford one to two specialists visits and get a prescription, something like wellbutrin xl costs 10-15 USD for a 30 day supply without insurance.
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