How do I maintain?
Hi guys, so I've fallen into the trap of my never being skinny enough, and I'm thinking when I hit 90 lbs I want to maintain (I'm 97 at 5 ft tall atm). I've went from 160 to 97 in a year. I know I could potentially still feel yuck, as I thought I'd feel great under 100, but I'm getting a bit scared. The only reason I managed to lose all that weight was mostly because I was a broke college student after getting laid off my part time job and I couldn't afford food most of the time. My friend and my parents occasionally helped with money but I was barely eating enough, and also had to walk a lot from and to places because I didn't have a car and couldn't afford uber.
As soon as I graduated and moved back to my parents, I started binging again... my mom loves to spoil me with money and food. She'd always be like oh I remember that you used to love xyz when you were young so I got it for you... super sweet but also not good for my binges....
I'm so used to binging and then compensating by fasting that I don't know what normal eating is like anymore. So my typical week consists of 4 days of binging gooey soft cookies, cake, icecream, lime tortilla chips, sandwiches, pasta with hummus and red sauce mixed together... and then compensate by 3 days of fasting, sometimes using laxatives to get rid of water weight, and then repeat. The second something happens to upset me, I go to two or three different fast food places and just get burgers, fries and ice cream... then I'd go to grocery stories to get a bunch of snacks. And I cry and eat them in my car in random parking lots.
I've been maintaining by doing that.
I don't think I'm eating disordered, I think that I just can't get over this extreme dieting phase and all the binging that came because of it. My mum has been really concerned about my eating habits and wants me to start seeing a therapist, she's even offering to pay for it but I don't think that therapy would help. She also says that I only binge because of the fasting I do and if I just stopped fasting and restricting, I'll also stop binging... idk about that.
How do you guys go about maintaining? Will I ever be able to stop binging and fasting?
Thankyou xx
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