Reflecting on the amount of food I was eating was a big wake up call.
Hey everyone, here I'll list a few of my past food habits that I'm no longer ashamed of sharing with people and how reflecting on it starting my journey helped me commit to my journey!
I used to make a quesadilla fried rice.....2tortillas, about 1.5cups of homemade fried rice and lot of cheese inside, fried in a pan, probably 1000-1100 cals and I'd OFTEN have this, I'm not even sure if it really was truly good.....I'd usually make this around 10pm which mean I had a full day of eating, probably had 3meals that were too big already and yet there I was "cooking" this at 10pm.
Mac n cheese was always a big binge food for me, I make a very good mac n cheese which I haven't made even once since starting my journey as I know I used to make a big pan, that was easily 6-8servings but would eat half of it if not more which is crazy to me now. I still eat pasta once in a while, I have a normal serving, feel full and satisfied, it's delicious but I'm for sure not gonna eat 4servings.
Starting my journey, I reflected on all these food combinations and the amount of food I could eat in a day and it was a huge wake up call for me.
To calculate an average day of eating was a big WTF moment and triggering for sure, I remember having a big mental breakdown and telling my friend about it in a very raw and honest way for the first time bc I don't think anyone but my mom who lives with me knew how bad my eating habits were.
It forced me to deal with those complicated emotions that I spent years numbing with food, now I HAD to deal with the situation and it really just clicked that this was my responsability to deal with this in a healthy way once and for all and it made me commit hard to my journey and to my desire to reach my goals. It was an epiphany moment of no one is gonna do the work for me, it had nothing to do with guilt tripping myself and all to do with taking responsability for my health and my own well being.
Eventually you just get to a point where you know too much to turn back and to go back to your old ways, sure you can trip and fall once in a while but I can't imagine myself ever being the person I was 7 months ago. The person that was emotionally struggling, probably been depressed for years using avoidance and food as a coping.
Yesterday my mom told me how much I've grown and how mature emotionally I've become during this journey and it had to be the best compliment ever.
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