It's my Fitaversary! 1 year ED recovery + lifestyle overhaul
I can't believe how far I've come in only one year and how much less there is of me.
Context
I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and bulimia when I was 18-19. I'm now almost 27. Because A&D affected me so much daily, I pretty much allowed myself to try everything to feel better, and most of that was eating. I feared telling myself "no". Last year I woke up one day and it was like a switch had flipped (thanks, pre-frontal cortex, I guess...?) I wasn't going to fail again. I was determined to see this through.
The Journey
I started by eating less. Calculated my TDEE, then counted my calories. I've tracked on and off throughout the year, I mostly eat the same 20 things and I've learned how big a portion is to fit at around 500kcal, so I guided myself with that when I wasn't actively tracking. At the time I was using my treadmill daily (I love walking!), but after about 6 months (after everything opened up and I got double stabbed in the arm by the professionals) I joined a local gym. Very local, very big, very expensive (to me and my small budget) at £50/month. I started following a weight lifting program, and I started getting stronger. I can actually lift things now instead of being a crybaby bitch who thinks it's cute and quirky how weak her arms are. (Cringe at my past self. Thanks, pre-frontal cortex, again, I guess...?!) Once I stopped eating all day, every day, I started feeling really good. I realized it's not normal to feel bloated and sluggish all day. I realized I really should limit my bread and lactose consumption as much as possible (and I have). Every time I slipped and overate, I felt bad again, physically, and that's when I realized that I'd never go back to how I've been for 26 years. I knew now how my body can feel when I don't stuff it with sugar, and I wasn't willing to give it up.
Portion control was the worst. As part (?) of my ED cycles, I'd binge and then restrict for days and then binge again etc. Learning how much a portion of pasta was made me cry the first few times. I, an adult woman, cried because I couldn't have more pasta. I can't stress this enough, one portion of anything was enough for my body, but not enough for my brain. As someone who eats with her eyes, I always piled my food as much as I thought I'd want. It was often 2-3 portions and I felt bad wasting it, so I forced myself to eat it and then felt sick (and then also felt bad, cue restriction).
A year later, eating normal portions feels normal to me. I understand how my "naturally thin" partner stays thin (by eating when they're hungry, and no longer eating when they're not hungry anymore). I love going to the gym 5x a week (I'm self employed and work from home, so gym is often the only time I get to leave the house for the day), I love lifting weights, I love seeing my body shrinking and my muscles developing. I don't have panic attacks when someone wants to take pictures anymore. This past year has been about so much more than losing weight.
Reality Checks (?)
It was hard. It was very, very hard, especially for the first 3-4 months. I cried sometimes. I was hungry between meals sometimes. I gave in sometimes. I never had another full binge, and I was kind to myself when I felt like I'd fucked up and eaten too much ("that's ok. You did that, and that's ok. Just eat less later, and work a little harder tomorrow. One bad meal is just that - one bad meal.") There are things I know trigger me, so I try to avoid them as much as possible. Weighing myself is the biggest one, someone commenting negatively on my eating habits/portion sizes is the second ("don't eat another slice, you've had enough!" cue self hatred and restricting). There are foods that I banned from the house because I know my self control is limited, and I can't just have a normal amount (Oreos, Kinder chocolate, Rafaellos, fudge), and things that I learned to have a portion of, even if it hurts (tiramisu). Eating less made me appreciate everything I ate so much more. Every bite of food tasted like heaven, and I had to stop and enjoy it, because I only had one portion.
What I ate
I know most people will probably wonder, so: anything I wanted, just less. My usual go-tos are: vegetarian lasagna, leek & cheese & potato pie, panini, vegetarian burgers, cauliflower wings as of lately, fresh pasta + pesto, salads, fish & chips, "KFC at Home" (spicy chicken strips + air fried fries + big salad). I ate a lot of cupcakes and a lot of cake and oh my god so many fruit tarts, but always a single, mindful portion of them. I used to eat takeout every week and sometimes even twice a week (big pizza + cheesy fries + other sides), now reduced it to every other week (medium pizza OR cheesy fries and onion rings). I genuinely saved so much money on food alone, it allowed me to focus on something else that brings me joy, a certain brand of handbags of which I now own (clutches heart) 25 of. (These are £100 handbags, don't think I suddenly bought a mansion with all the takeout I didn't eat 😂)
If anyone has any questions that I'm "qualified" to answer, wants any recipes or portion sizes or anything else, feel free to ask in the comments. I learned so much from this community and I'll always pay it forward. <3
Before and after face pics, before is one year + one week ago, after is 2-3 months ago. I haven't changed much more since, nor have I made myself that pretty. 😂 https://www.reddit.com/r/progresspics/comments/pf2jym/f26160cm_91kg_81kg_10kg_9_months_face_gains/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3cG7J2c
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