First time dealing with binges/compulsive eating
Hello! After relapsing in my restrictive disordered eating habits at the beginning of the pandemic, I quickly got it under control again and have been able to maintain my goal weight easily for the last two years. I actually am able to eat a lot more than I would have expected (5‘2, 104 pounds (before this..happened at least) and 1800 calories a day). This mean I‘m getting an appropriate amount of calories in, additionally, I eat a very healthy, balanced diet with enough veggies, fruit, fats and protein. I wanted to mention that to showcase that I don‘t think that restriction probably isn‘t the cause for my overeating.
Now, three weeks ago all of a sudden I started to binge/overeat. I can not begin to describe it, it almost feels compulsive, I feel completely out of control. During those three weeks I went over my maintenance by about 17000 calories. I feel so incredibly defeated, guilty and bad about myself. Knowing that I don‘t want to restrict afterwards as to not start a binge-restrict cycle, I always make sure to still eat appropriate meals regardless of the binges. It just seems that I‘m unable to stop. Every day I wake up so motivated, only to give into the urges only a few hours later. Weirdly, I only binge on my usual foods (oatmeal, joghurt alternatives, fruit, tofu, toast etc) instead of „typical“ binge foods that have little nutritional value.
I don‘t know what to do anymore. I just stepped on the scale and I was 5kg heavier than only 3 weeks ago. This is insane. While I know that some of it will be water weight, I know that a lot of it will also be actual fat. With doubling the amount of steps I take in a day (not as a way to purge, but I literally can feel the abundance of energy, I tend to feel rather restless nowadays), work and workouts, the actual „damage“ done would be more around 14–15 thousand calories, which is still an intense amount. I just feel so hopeless. My clothes currently don‘t fit and I‘ve been walking around in yoga pants and sweatshirts in this hot summer weather, I don‘t even have the funds to afford new clothes right now.
I am taking steps to improve my situation. I just started reading brain over binge and also listening to the podcast. Additionally, I‘m trying to keep myself busy and to implement a routine again. Unfortunately, I don‘t have access to therapy, but I do want to start a self-therapy course really soon, which has been created by professionals.
I was just wondering whether any of you have any tips/advice on binge eating, dealing with the guilt and the aftermath (how to drop the water weight in a healthy way, without medication, how to get back on track etc). I think the main thing that I want to work on right now is to stop this behavior before it becomes a set habit or coping mechanism, before i concentrate on losing the weight again.
I am beyond thankful for anyone reading this and especially the ones that might respond. Thank you so much.
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