I constantly fall off track for months at a time after only being successful for a week or so at a time.

I’ve had the dream of losing weight for years now. 22M, 5’6, and 221 lbs. I need to vent. Here’s the thing…

I am currently depressed and have ADHD on top of that. I know it can be seen as an “excuse” but I’m genuinely having so much difficulty getting through a weight loss plan without quitting after 3-7 days of eating clean, and forget about even beginning to think about exercising. I work 20 hours a week, and will be starting another semester of college in a few weeks on top of that so I worry the minimal motivation I have will just completely disappear. I go to therapy once a week for maintenance on issues in my personal life but feel too embarrassed to mention this to my therapist.

I have goals. For example, I wish to get surgery (personal reasons, won’t go into detail here) once I hit somewhere between 155-165 lbs. This is something I desperately want and need, so why can’t I get motivated despite having something that would normally be so motivated? I want to be able to pick my girlfriend up and spin her around like people do in the movies. She jokes about it too sometimes. I want to be able to be the guy people say, “Can you help me lift this?” to when moving a couch across the room. It’s the little things. But instead, all I do is binge and lay down. Partially due to the depression and ADHD (especially because us folks with ADHD tend to not care about long term goals and mostly value instant gratification (if I drink this chocolate frappe now, it’ll taste good, but weight loss on the other hand is months/years away…)), but I don’t want to give them all the credit because I feel like that’s a cop out. But is it? Because if someone else said that, I’d react with compassion. I need to be more compassionate toward myself but I also need to get up and do something. It’s a constant battle of feeling both frustrated with myself and sorry for myself.

I also keep wanting to start by tracking everything I eat in my food journal because that’s what everyone does, but I feel like that’s just setting myself up for failure because, honestly, it’s so boring constantly weighing things, googling the calories, etc., which just brings me back to stopping after a few days.

When you’re stuck in a rut like this, what do you do? Totally am not meaning to sound childish or weak, I am just so frustrated and it’s taking a lot to open up about this.

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