After dieting on and off for 21 years, How am I supposed to stay motivated when I'm just done with the Yo-yo affect?
Ever since I was 8 I have been on countless of diets. Some worked better than others and would show great results and I'd shed the pounds off. However whenever the chance called for it, I would happily break the diet or cheat. Which would then get my mom off her diet or anyone else off of theirs. Or they would go off and I'd leap at it and be like "oh you went off, so can I". Which would then cause me to gain all my weight back and I'd have to loose it again only to gain even more. It got to the point I was in the 400s and doctors and family said I was killing myself. For my 25th birthday my mom surprised me with bypass surgery, I was thrilled and afterwards I lost over half my weight. However, as I turned 28 I slowly began to gain a few pounds which scared me to the point where I began to throw everything back up after eating. I did that for a few months and was happy again when I started loosing my weight again as I wasn't going to return. A few months later my throat became raw and my teeth were becoming awful from the stomach acid. I immediately stopped and was okay for a few weeks. HOWEVER I got stressed again and began to eat. With the surgey you can't eat like you used to and can't have carbonated drinks...So I'd end up eating candy and sugary drinks with no carbination. I felt and still feel so bad because this was a lot of money to help me as nothing else Was working and now I have to get on another diet again to loose the 30 pounds I gained. I've started it 2 months ago and haven't lost anything except when I was sick. That's only because I ate like 3 things of ramen noodles and water all day. I'm so tired of dieting and struggling I don't even know what to do anymore.
Many have said that childhood truama could be behind it, but if I'm honest I can't really think of anything that could trigger it. I do have Epilepsy and I have depression because of my epilepsy and my weight. I also am very dependent on others. However with the disability I have, I'll always be somewhat dependent on others. That's something I have somewhat come to terms with even though it can bum me out as I feel like a burden. I thought of therapy but I myself can't afford it and I'm not gonna ask my mom as she has already done so much. I've tried searching for groups to see if maybe that would help, but I haven't been able to find any.
I'm feeling hopless and I've lost the motivation, drive and discipline to continue. I want to continue and be healthy in order to have kids, live a long life, actually fit on a fair ride, or wear cute clothes that actully fit and look good. It would also be nice to sneeze and not leak a little. I would like all of that and in order to achieve it I always plan to go on a walk or tell my loved ones I'm gonna officially start my diet this day. Or I'll get a gym membership and keep eating healthy. I've even set little goals to reach that's not to difficult. However I can't seem to stop thinking "I'll do it later" yet "later" doesn't come. After awhile it's overwhelming and I just want to cry and give up. How do you get and stay motivated with the discipline to diet when you've lost the will to do anything anymore?
I'm sorry for how long this post is.
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