I'm incredibly obsessed with food and don't know how to stop

I'm incredibly obsessed with food and anything food related. Atm it's definitely taking up 80-90% of my daily life. I can't stop thinking about it. As a result I've been almost completely neglecting responsibilities and activities/hobbies I used to like, because I feel like food is the only thing that piques my interest anymore. I've been 'scheduling' my 'hobby' time into my calendar so that I force myself to play games or whatever and not think about food for once, but even then I find it impossible for my thoughts not to trail off back to food so for example while gaming I HAVE TO have a video about food playing by my side, otherwise I feel like it's torture.

I've had a toxic relationship with food since I think I was about 15, one day I weighed in for the first time in my life and I was 62kg which really shocked me... So then I googled about CICO etc and I started logging everything I ate. Things spiralled from there because I tend to favor short-term over long-term results, even when they can backfire hard so I would restrict very low or straight up fast for days but later often end up binging and eating all my calories back and some more. I have been dieting on and off and losing and gaining the same damn 6 kg for the past 4 years. I'm 19 now and still stuck in the dieting cycle, only now I restrict to at the lowest 1200 calories so it doesn't feel 'toxic'.

I'm so goddamn tired of looking at food every day. I'm so sick of it yet I still keep doing it. I'm wasting so SO much time on this, so a week ago I decided to just stop counting calories for a while and eat healthy foods until I'm satisfied, so I can get the food preoccupation under control before lowering my calories again, but it's not working at all.

It doesn't help that no meals seems to satisfy me unless I binge. I can consume a huge ass bowl of oats with tons of protein fiber fats and yet still be ravenously hungry.

I hate being such a slave to whatever part of the brain is making me obsessive over food and I feel like I'm stuck in purgatory. Idk what to do bcs like even when I eat whatever I want (as long as it's kinda high in protein and not too processed) and until satisfied I'm still so damn hungry.

submitted by /u/Top_Individual9162
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