Disordered Eating

Day one (again) was a success.  My eating was on point. I did intermittent fasting so I didn’t eat until around 1:00 today–just wasn’t really hungry until then.  I made cheese buns (I’ll post the recipe in another post) so I could have a burger.  It was a buffalo and bleu cheese burger on cheese buns.  I cooked the burger in ghee for some extra healthy fat.  Then I had a Subway tuna chopped salad around 5:30 p.m.  I also made bulletproof hot chocolate (I am not a lover of coffee).  Oh, um, and I had a piece of sugar-free candy that really should be avoided.  Ooops.  I didn’t track my macros, but I know I was under 20 grams of carbs; I had the BP hot chocolate just to make sure I got in enough fat since I didn’t track.  I will do better with officially logging tomorrow (I use My Fitness Pal).  I also got my 10,000 steps in and did a workout at 9Round (a kickbox circuit gym that I am LOVING!).

Subway Tuna Chopped Salad

Buffalo Bleu Cheese Burger on Cheese Buns

Buffalo Bleu Cheese Cheeseburger on Cheese Buns (yeah, that’s a LOT of cheese hahahaha).

 

In my last post, I mentioned that I’ve self-diagnosed myself with “disordered eating”.  A few things: (1) self-diagnosing yourself in any way, shape, or form for anything is not promoted here, (2) I am old enough and wise enough and in tune with myself enough to know if I need professional help of any sort for anything, medical, mental, or otherwise, and (3) disordered eating is not the same as having an eating disorder.  Eating disorders are nothing to take lightly; I have zero signs of an eating disorder. I do, however, have many signs/symptoms of disordered eating, and I know this because I have done lots and lots of reading and researching. If you read anything here that you can relate to and sounds like you, please do your own research and reading on the topic.

Okay, having made all those disclaimers, I say again that I know I have a disordered relationship with food and eating.  It’s something I can control for some periods of time but I ultimately lose control at some point.  It’s a cycle for me.  I am currently, and have been for 4-5 months, in a cycle where I am battling almost daily an unhealthy relationship with food. These cycles where I’m doing battle are when I tend to gain back weight I’ve lost; it’s happened two other times.  This time around I’m doing a bit better—I’ve gained back 10 of the 71 I’ve lost since May of last year.  Yeah, it sucks, but at least now I am recognizing what’s going on and am trying so hard to keep my head above water until I can figure out how to get out of this ‘loss of control’ cycle.  I WILL NOT GAIN ALL OF THIS WEIGHT BACK.  It just can’t happen again.

If I’m being honest, here are the signs and symptoms that *I* battle with: (1) obsessive thinking about food, weight, exercise and (2) feeling ashamed, sad, or anxious (this is situational for me—I don’t feel this way all the time) about food, weight, and exercise.  I’ll give you some more insight into my personal experiences with all this later.  But first let me say there are other signs and symptoms that I have not listed here that I don’t have any issues with.  This is a really good article about other signs/symptoms, many of which are also symptoms of an eating disorder.  There is a fine line between disordered eating and an eating disorder, but it mainly boils down to the degree to which you are experiencing these symptoms and how often/how many of these symptoms you are experiencing.  I can’t say this strongly enough: please talk to a professional if you see yourself in this list in this article.

I know I’m also doing battle with self-sabotage.  That realization (sabotaging myself) is what got me started researching (I keep using that word—by it I mean reading online and in books).  I knew and have known my relationship with food is just completely dysfunctional, so that, coupled with my like-clockwork-sabotaging ways any time I start having success with weight loss and getting healthy is what led me to information about disordered eating. I knew I was dysfunctional but didn’t know there was a name for it; I knew I didn’t have an outright eating disorder but felt so strongly that something just isn’t right with my thinking. In the article I linked above, I read this: In our culture there is an obsession with size and weight, diet and exercise–the pervasiveness of disordered eating is astounding.  Research suggests that up to 50% of the population demonstrate problematic or disordered relationships with food, body, and exercise.

I thought it was a typo: disordered eating.  “Don’t they mean ‘eating disorder’? I said to myself LOL  Anyway—this is when I realized I’m not alone (Have you noticed how we never are really ‘the only one experiencing’ something…? We’ll rhetorically ask, “Am I the only one who [fill in the blank]?”,  and there’s ALWAYS other people who are experiencing the same thing.].  Then the list of signs and symptoms spoke to me.  I’ve already heard from some of you who read my last post and can relate to what I said.  I take comfort in knowing I’m not the only one.

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