I cannot balance losing weight and having fun
Every fucking time I've tried to lose weight I feel like it eventually all gets ruined because I reach this point where I'm like, fuck it I just want to have fun and be able to do things that all the other people my age are doing. Boozy brunch on the weekends, going out to dinner, pub trivia, going to the pizza barcade, getting drunk at home playing board games with friends, watching movies or the game, going to music festivals, going to breweries/wineries. Things that most mid twenties people like to do. Unfortunately all these things involve FOOD and ALCOHOL. I just don't have the self control to be able to go to these types of places and not partake. I recognize that I don't have that level of self control yet
Plus, it's not fun. Being around people who are drinking when you're not drinking isn't fun. Sitting there watching your friends gorge themselves on burgers, wings and fries while you can only eat like half a burger isn't fun. Having to go hungry most of the day so you can save up calories for later when you go out, isn't fun.Having to sit there stressing and try to piece together like a puzzle what I can eat at this restaurant while still staying in my calorie goal while all my normal sized friends order whatever they want, ISN'T FUN. I don't even enjoy going out when trying to count calories.
I don't really go out when I am counting and am usually able to stick to my calories for a couple of months before the isolation and boredom start to get to me and it starts to really, really bother me that I can't go out and enjoy myself like my friends can. I might even go as far to say I get a little depressed. So I say fuck it and for a while I am social and feel pretty content with myself and life until eventually I start to notice my weight gain which prompts me to start trying to lose weight again. And it's this weird cycle of periods of time where I am unhappy with how I look and generally un-content with my life which sparks me to try and make a change and periods where I am generally content with life and accepting of how things are. I realize that part of the issue is how I was raised (in my family food= fun and is a big part of how my mom shows affection) and the fact that a lot of my weight is weight that I gained in childhood and carried with me into adulthood (meaning I've been fat pretty much all my life and had to accept how I looked for the most part as a coping mechanism).
Sorry for the rant, I'm am just generally frustrated that I have ~90 lbs to lose but the most I can seem to lose is ~30 lbs before everything falls apart and I gain a lot of it back...
Also, I know some of you will say "Just get new friends who don't like to eat or drink!". I wish it was that easy for me to make friends but it isn't. I've been in grad school for more than 4 years now and I haven't managed to make a single close friend in this city and not for lack of trying. But I am very fortunate to have a large group of friends from high school and college that I am very close with. My point is, it's not so easy for some people to just go out and make new friends. Also I think you would be hard pressed to find someone in their mid to late twenties who doesn't like either eating or drinking.
Edit: I did not expect this post to blow up the way it. I want to sincerely thank everyone who responded with such positive words and advice. Even if I don't respond I am reading all your comments. I am going to get back on track and try sticking to a slightly higher calorie goal than before. I already made my meal plan for the coming week. I also might try find some kind of exercise class to join but not sure about that yet, I don't want to do too much at once since my "all or nothing" personality is the whole reason I made this post in the first place
Edit 2: I've gotten a lot of comments that suggest I might have a drinking problem or that I party too much. I just want to clarify I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. I realize the way I wrote my post makes it seem like I drink way more than I do, but I don't. I actually hate the feeling of being drunk so I rarely drink enough to get drunk and I hate parties or going out to crowded bars on a Saturday night (for example). I much rather stay at home with friends and play board games or DnD all night. It's not like I do all those activities I listed above every week. There is a difference between being a social drinker and being an alcoholic just like there's a difference between going out to dinner one night and going out to dinner every night
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