It's okay to put dating on hold while you lose weight
There are articles, posts, thought pieces, etc.... all about this and most of them tell you not to put your dating life on hold because of weight loss.
But I think that's okay.
Here's a quick list of reasons it's not a bad thing:
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It's a goal
For some people, it's something to motivate them. They aren't just "trying" to lose weight. They ARE losing weight. Often people who fear the attitude of putting dating on hold are full of other excuses as to why they can't lose weight. These people will see setting definite goals as a threat to their mental gymnastics of inconsistency. -
You don't want to misrepresent yourself People each have their own thoughts on what is attractive and what is not. Believe it or not some people think certain people look better at a larger size. Disregarding how unhelpful it is when people do this, you can see it on /r/progresspics sometimes where someone will say how the person looked better to them with a fuller figure. That behavior itself is super unsupportive (and they get rightfully suspended for it!) but it IS a glimpse into how a lot of people feel. I do not want to get into a relationship with someone who finds me attractive at this size with the full intention of looking almost completely different after losing 100+lbs. Sure you could put a warning on your profile or whatever but then things start getting weird with that. Are you also going to announce it to people you meet in real life?
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Extreme weight loss can cause instability in relationships I won't go too deep into this one but there are PLENTY of articles about how one partner losing a large amount of weight can cause relationship instability. It happened to my friends who had been a couple for a very long time. This isn't just because of insecurity but also because the partner who has chosen to change their lifestyle can also face resentment from the partner who is trying to keep the same eating habits. It's totally reasonable to want to attract someone who will enable your good habits and not your bad ones. If you are headed for a different lifestyle there's nothing wrong with waiting to attract someone who is also in that same vein.
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The amount of effort isn't worth it This one is especially a huge point if you're male. The amount of effort you have to put into dating apps as someone who is overweight is phenomenally more than someone in shape. There is a mental toll to constantly trying to be active on these apps and putting yourself out there repeatedly only to get a sliver of attention here and there that ultimately goes nowhere. This one I can speak anecdotally of because I have been thinner myself before as well as have shared experiences with friends who have lose a lot of weight. It's a very different landscape.
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Wanting to feel more confident while dating When you are not comfortable with how you look there is a constant underlying anxiety. Seeing your reflection in a store window and seeing your stomach bulge can be enough to make you feel like shit all day. It's okay to not want to bring this anxiety into a relationship. It's understandable that you would rather wait until you have gained your confidence.
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You want to date someone more attractive Here comes the heavy hitter with the blunt bat. This is just how life works. Most people are attracted to someone more fit. If you want to date someone who is attractive (and there is NOTHING wrong with that) then you are going to have to have the proof on the table that you're offering them the same thing. This is just a reality of our world and the human condition. It's not a romcom, it's not a tv show, or a book - its life. It's okay for people to be attracted to those who take care of themselves and it's okay to want to be someone who fits those conditions.
I really do believe that those who have a problem with people putting their dating life on hold while they lose weight are projecting their insecurities about reaching their goal. If you are losing weight and moving toward your goal then taking time to focus on that process instead of dating is totally okay. It's not some ephemeral never-ending maze. There's a real end goal and estimable time frame.
I hope it is also clear that I am not saying that there aren't people who would accept you at a larger weight or that it'd be impossible to find someone, but I don't think someone has to participate in those things if they don't feel ready for any of the reasons listed above.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2PYSmFa
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