NSV: It was a big morning - went to the gym on my own for the first time!
I'm a tall man. From the age of 11, I was both taller and larger than most people around me. I felt I stood out because of my size and weight, and so I avoided being in the center of attention at all costs. I did crazy things, like wore layers and layers thinking they'd slim me down, or walk across the caf in college with cake and ice cream in a coffee mug, so no one knew what I was carrying with me. I always felt super visible - the idea of going to the campus rec center was terrifying for me.
My dad was really into lifting and built a gym in our back yard - "The House of Pain". It was a painful experience for little me and made me associate weights with my inadequacy and disappointing my dad. Those feelings came over me when I went into a gym for a long time.
I started running on a treadmill my family has in our basement - that's how I've lost the majority of my weight. Even as a more confident person now, I really value solitude and privacy.
My biggest fear has been walking into a gym and not knowing what I'm doing, while everyone watches me fumble around and thinks to themselves how far they've come since they were a newbie like me. I'm not one who can watch youtube videos or read to learn technique, so for the last three months I've been meeting with a personal trainer to learn to lift weights.
I'm in a new job and a new place now. I've made so many changes this last year and I'm a new man. This morning, I walked into my new gym and I was able to do my entire routine, as though I'd been coming to this gym for years. I was so proud!!!
I never thought I'd be able to go and work out by myself, knowing what to do. I'll be going every morning and I'm so excited for the changes in store for me this year!
It's a big day!
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