Being that fat girl in class... makes me want to quit school and give up
I’ve lost weight, 280lbs to 250lbs, so 30 lbs but still have a long long way to go. I’m a size 18/20 in women’s still. I’m having a hard time recently. I’m going to school to hopefully to be a nurse. I’ve been doing prerequisites since last year. I would start actual nursing school next spring. I don’t want to be that fat nurse. I thought I had a year to become a normal sized weight.
Today was the first day of my Biology class. It’s a lecture and LAB class. Unlike my previous lab classes, I was informed tonight that we would have to wear a lab coat provided by the college during labs. The lab coats have to be buttoned all the way up.
The teacher rolls out a cart of various sized lab coats and announces that next class period we will have to select a lab coat and “make sure it fits correctly and buttons all the way up.” My worst fucking nightmare. It’s going to be a free for all. There’s at least 7 other heavyset women in there. From eyeing the lab coats from afar I’m not certain any will fit correctly. I’m so freaked out.
All I can imagine is that I can’t find a lab coat that fits. I imagine grabbing a coat and struggling to try to fit it on and it won’t fit. It won’t button up. And then I have to tell the professor I don’t have lab coat that fits. And my weight is now front stage and center. The whole class will be brought to attention how fat I am. What will he do? Announce loudly that my lab coat won’t fit and does anyone have one they will trade? What if that one doesn’t fit either? So in my mind the class is now watching me try on lab coat after lab coat witnessing how fat I am that I can’t fit into a normal sized lab coat like a normal person.
This is really giving me such terrible anxiety and I’m near tears. I’m dreading the next class period. It makes me want to drop the class, but I need it if I want to be a nurse. Maybe I should give that up or put all of this off until I lose weight. Because I’m hating being that fat girl... thanks for listening to my long rant.
TLDR: next class we have to pick out a lab coat and I’m worried none will fit and I’ll be embarrassed in front of the whole class.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2DbS3CC
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