Lost weight and thought I’d learn to just eat smaller portions, but learned that I can’t eat anything
I’m a short female - 5’0.5 and about 105 pounds right now (down from 120ish). I was 100 pounds just recently though.
I’m pretty active. I work out almost everyday and run a lot (3-8 miles depending on the day). I hurt my knee though, so I’ve had to do a little less running this last week.
Anyways, I thought that when I implemented CICO, I would learn smaller portions but also continue to enjoy a lot of my favorite foods (in moderation). Many of my eating habits changed along the way too - I definitely eat better foods than before, definitely cook more and eat more vegetables/meat.
But, these last 5 months, I learned that no matter what I do, I’ll never be able to eat like a normal person. I gain weight no matter how much I run or workout unless I’m eating right at or below 1200/1300 calories (I have a scale and I measure everything).
All the food stuff has been really bad in my head now for a while, so to help myself, I thought I would just eat small portions of things I want and try not to obsess too heavily.
But it doesn’t matter because everything I eat adds up way too fast. Today I put very small portions of food on my plate (a little meat, 1-3 small baked potatoes, about 1 and 1/2 tablespoons of cooked rice) and they seemed to be filling, but I couldn’t eat anything else the rest of the day. Because 1 - I don’t know how it was prepared and 2 - with my estimations, I was basically almost over my cals anyways.
So my lunch was all I could eat. It wasn’t even much. I’m hungry, but at least by tomorrow I will have fasted over 20 hours. Somehow I see people 1-2 inches taller than me always eating so much more than me too, but somehow I’m still the bigger one. I didn’t think 1-2 inches made such a huge difference.
Sure, we can all say I’m counting wrong, but c’mon, I lost 20 pounds - I know how this works. I’m not trying to lie to myself.
The point isn’t the counting and “how much”. the point is, unless I’m always making my own super low calorie, substitutions for everything type meals, I’m going to gain weight.
food that everyone else eats and enjoys wasn’t made for someone my height. At my height, I can barely go to a restaurant. At my height, I can’t enjoy meals my friends cook. I can’t enjoy my husbands cooking. Unless of course I starve (or “fast”) all day or longer to eat. My husband won’t even really cook anymore because I stress out so much about having any extra oil during the food preparation.
At my height, I have to constantly feel hungry to maintain my weight. I know this because for the last 5 months, I’ve been working out for hours (my whole life was basically this), neglecting the fun joys in life, restricting a lot and got nowhere. The worst part is that my body can’t even get used to eating as little as I am.
I also tried eating tiny portions of “normal food” and then gained weight. Even though at that time i was mostly eating maintenance maybe 1300 cals /sometimes a little less (I still counted as accurately as i could). I did a body scan and barely any of it was muscle.
I don’t know what to do. I’m so unhappy. Intuitive eating isn’t possible. Normal “small portion” eating isn’t possible. Restriction forever sucks. Gaining weight sucks.
there seems to be no middle ground. I wish somehow my brain just stopped caring about food. There are people smaller than me and somehow they stay that way, so it’s possible. Maybe just not for me. idk. everyone says your stomach shrinks, and you end up just wanting less or physically can’t have as much. I feel like this has never happened with me.
idk why i’m posting this i just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I tried so hard to just accept my height and the restrictions that comes with it when it comes to food, but the fact that I can’t do anything I’ve tried makes me feel like I undid all the progress with accepting it. How do you accept it when life just feels so shitty no matter what I do. I feel so bad for feeling this way. That this is even an issue
Maybe I just need to suck it up. Maybe I’m just being whiny. Maybe someone can give me some helpful advice. Maybe I just need to see things differently.
I tried talking to a therapist and she never helped address this stuff with me or gave any helpful insight, even though I constantly brought it up.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2AL2USu
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