7 years of off and on weight logs in MFP has given me a lot of insight into myself
Basically like the title says, I’ve struggled with my weight for years. I’ve been logging off and on in MFP for 7 years. Looking at the data in graph form is super interesting and insightful to me.
7 years ago I started logging because I thought I was fat. I feel so much empathy for that girl now. She didn’t realize that nothing was wrong with her. She was at a healthy weight and healthy BMI. There was, however, something wrong with her relationship with food. Spoiler alert: food is not the enemy and diets don’t work. (At least for me)
The next 6 years on the chart are the result of yo-yo dieting. The major drop when I got to 156 is from low-carb dieting which is obviously not sustainable for me.
From the chart you can tell that at 185 and above I start to get really uncomfortable in my skin, my body, and my clothes. I then would diet (sometimes CICO but with too few calories, sometimes low-carb, even Keto once) until right around 180. At 180 I would feel less miserable in my body and clothes, but more miserable with whatever form of restricting I’d chosen. My restriction flavor of the week if you will. I thought that just because I wasn’t actively engaging in bulimia and that I was eating every day that it was ok.
I’m currently the lightest I’ve been in 4 years. I’ve finally broken through 180. I truly have a changed mentality to thank for it. I’ve chosen to focus on my health and self-care rather than what I look like. After all of this yo-yoing I’ve learned that my body is my body and I’ll have the same “problem areas” no matter my size unless I work out a TON. Honestly these areas don’t even bother me much anymore. For the first time in my life my internal dialogue is NICE. I talk to myself like I would a friend.
I am focused on losing so that my knees don’t hurt, so I can walk in heels easily again, so I don’t get out of breath with a couple flights of stairs, so I’ll have safe pregnancies when we’re ready, and so I’ll lower my risk of developing chronic diseases that run in my family (looking at you, diabetes).
I’d also like to admit that I’ve been in school for nutrition and dietetics for the past 5 years. NO ONE is immune to eating disorders or denial and many dietitians go into the field because of their personal struggles. I think that having struggled like this (on so many levels) will help to make me an empathetic and understanding dietitian. I’m feeling so empowered to get my health in check so that I can focus on helping others when I graduate and become a registered dietitian next year.
Thanks for reading if you’re still here!
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