I want to change
Hello, I'm a 23 year old female, 5'6, and weigh 230 pounds.
I wish I could say that I don't know how I got here, but I do. When I was 17, I went through a huge emotional trauma that seriously fucked with my mental health. It still continues to affect me, but it's not as unbearable as it was before.
However, in order to deal with everything going on, I would resort to food. My friends would do it too. When I was having an off day, they would take me out to ice cream or surprise me with McDonald's. It was completely pure intentions, but I've now become addicted. I think about food constantly, even while I'm eating, I'm thinking about my next meal. I always want to eat out, never at home. I know for a fact it's bad and I shouldn't, but I do it anyway.
I hate the way my body looks as well as shopping in the plus size section. I've tried to convince myself many times that maybe I'm just plus sized and I should love my body the way it is, but I can't. I'm not happy with the way I look on the outside; so much that it affects how I feel on the inside.
I'm not comfortable going on dates, because I feel like, if I don't like how I look, how could anyone else? I feel so ashamed when I walk upstairs and it's hard to breathe for about a solid two minutes afterwards. I hate feeling unworthy of love, compliments and affection, because of what I weigh. I just want to be content with who I am and be able to feel confident. I just feel like the weight is holding me back and it's time for it to come off. I've tried dieting, calorie deficits, different work out programs, and gyms. I'm ready, I just need that support that's going to keep me accountable, and I need to follow through on the promises I make to myself.
Please help me. I want to change.
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