Day 1 post: need for accountability, acceptance and stopping depression ruining me
24M, CW 179lbs, 5ft 8 TW 140lb. This a long post, sorry! TL;DR: I'm overweight - but now hoping to turn that around.
Funnily enough I was going to post this using a alt/throwaway account but I think I've run away from my problems enough so on the main account it goes.
I'm desperately miserable with my weight and proportions. Being on the short side for a male at 5ft 8 is annoying enough, and is now compounded by my damn weight! I remember as a child being underweight, with my doctor telling me 'you really need to eat more foolishlywise'. Then a period of being a decent weight - and then depression really kicking in.
I have a habit of eating junk food as well as eating late at night. Stemming from needs not being met in my childhood (I think) - we couldn't really afford/want to get in a bunch of stuff I wanted so here I am now on a salary and can eat all I want! Fantastically, I'm at the point of my life where my day job is desk work. Mentally stimulating yes, but physically bleh.
I've had a NOTICABLE gain in weight since this time two years ago. I graduated from uni then and tried on my blazer. The thing DOES NOT FIT WHATSOEVER. NOT AT ALL. Back then, I remember going from skinny fit to slim fit stuff... I think this is now the turning point I need. Only thing I don't have is accountability.
Few months before graduating, I was put on antidepressants - and remember talking to a friend about my mental health. 'It's better to be large and happy rather than skinny and sad'. Yeah - only problem is the large is making me even more sad now! Antidepressants an unintended side effect of weight gain, and I've been through like five of them. My last-ditch attempt is now escitalopram (Lexapro) - citalopram is the only one which really works for me but caused medium weight gain rather than the BALLOONING I'm having on paxil. I figure its easier to make progress on one which doesn't screw my metabolism so badly.
I hate that I'm having to write this post and that I let depression turn into comfort eating. Time to get walking, wait until gyms are (somewhat!) safe and get a PT so I know what the hell I'm doing - and ultimately fit into that grad suit! The plan is to actually go on brisk walks for the first couple of weeks (think 3mi/1hr) then start on couch to 5k and progress through. Calorie counting and aiming for a 800cal deficit. The ultimate accountability lies with myself so I guess we'll see how that goes. Expect to see me on the daily threads I guess...
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3j5c0gx
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