Going home for the holidays to a family who always made fun of me for being fat, even when I was skinny. Except now I'm actually fat. :-(
Ugh. My family was really cruel to me growing up about my weight. They are all morbidly obese, and made fun of me for being fat even when I was a 5'7/135lb athlete doing two sports. I do not know why they were like this but given that that environment was super toxic, I left home and never really looked back at 20. It's been 2 years since I've seen any family, or since any of them have seen me.
My weight gain started around 3 years ago, and I slowly crept up to 165 and only moderately athletic last year. I had a serious hip injury early 2019, and stopped all physical activity for 8 months and gained 10 pounds/lost a lot of muscle mass. I started getting back into lifting this February then...covid. I gained another 10 pounds and lost even more muscle mass and now I look/feel like a blob.
I've been repairing my relationship with my parents and planned to go home for Christmas this year, but I'm so terrified of showing up there now that I am actually fat. My anxiety is killing me even 8 weeks out because I can still hear them laughing at me and calling me huge when I would try to make a healthy food choice.
I suppose here is no real point to this post, but I wanted to share my anxiety with people who might be able to relate/care. I hate it and it sucks! >:(
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/34u6UWZ
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