I'm a bitter loser (24 pounds down).
I'll try to make this short and bitter. About 4-5 years ago I had heart palpitations that were unable to be ignored anymore, so I had to take my rotund 400 pound ass to the hospital just to be told that I'm fat along with some obvious shit that my dumb ass has been ignoring my whole life. Went home scared and started eating super super light (for me) which would probably pass as a normal day for some people. Lost 65 pounds in four months. Spent the next 4-5 years packing it back on up to almost 400 (all while avoiding even so much as calling my doctors to let them know what's up). Decided this past September 21st to try and lose weight again. Tried flirting with/getting to know a girl, got turned down indirectly (just so we're clear, she did nothing wrong). Have no job. Almost 30 in a couple months. Living with mom. Can't do a push up. My permit expired before I got my license. Small dick. No really well developed skills (I'm barely decent with photoshop, okay with computers as long as I have google backing my ass up). Felt deeply suicidal a couple of nights ago (which is something I don't really struggle with any more than the normal person I don't imagine). Depression. Anger. Self-loathing.
In the past few days my single minded sad, bitterly anger charged determination (or spite I guess) has helped me in the meantime forge the consistency I've needed for the past few days (hardly a milestone, I know) to not just diet (or change lifestyles, whatever the fuck) but to actually get off my ass, walk around, do wall push ups like a sissy. I'm marching around the goddamn apartment, kicking my fat thighs in the air like a mad man just trying to move and do what I can to trim down those jiggly tree trunks (That's not just for funny imagery, I'm trying to trim the fat down on my thighs). I'm making sure I try to help elderly family members around me if they need their trash taken out/things moved/etc. Just something to keep my fat ass moving.
I'm staying away from red meat. Eating straight up turkey burgers (as in just white ground turkey, not with bread or as a pretend hamburger or anything), fruits, greens. Cheated a little bit today with baked breaded okra. But hell, I'm only eating once a day (Yeah I know, that's not the way to do it, but it's the only way that I feel satisfied with what I'm doing). I'm definitely watching my portions (Like a typical meal on a 2000 cal diet but as of the past few days I'm only eating once a day instead of 2-3 times) as well so it's not like I'm having an all you can eat buffet once a day. My other motivation is this hope that my cock is a little more pronounced after shedding the pad of fat around it. For fuck sake, can I get one good fucking thing? I don't care to live much longer with a dick this small anyways. So time will tell if I even care about the possible health benefits.
This isn't a goof, I'm not a character. Too insecure to post this on my main account or show any pictures. Had to get this off my chest on a throwaway account. I'm sure most of you have shit to live for. I have family members to think of, that much is true. I'm a failure who aims to be a loser through pure desperation and depression. If I can do it, anyone can do it, and I'm not trying belittle anyone who is struggling out there by saying that, I'm a failure so I know what it's like. A measly 24 pounds down, the whole rest of my life to go further and not fuck it up again.
Thanks for fucking reading.
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