Messed Up Calories and Hate Myself
Wow.
I really thought I was doing great today. I have a ton of weight to lose. Over 100lbs, and I can’t seem to budge out of the 300s. I got out for a day and then I messed up and went up 5lbs. Weighed today and am up 2 more pounds. I think I am PMSing, however.
I ate a very low cal breakfast.
Low cal lunch.
And had like 1500 calories left, so I had French fries with dinner and decided to have white cheddar popcorn to end the night.
I don’t know why. I swear it’s since I got the vaccine, but it’s like I don’t get full. I get full, but I can stuff away so much lately and keep eating. I looked at the bag of popcorn and thought I could eat the entire thing and still stay in my calories, so I do just that. Eat the whole bag (not a huge bag), because I think it’s got six servings as in cups. I don’t know what the hell I thought, but then I realized, um, no, it has SIX SERVINGS OF TWO CUPS EACH, so now I am over 400 calories over my daily limit.
Today is a bad day. I’ve been living by the beach and went to sit and drink coffee where people are all working out, and I just sat there thinking how fat I must look to all of these people who are walking and running and biking, and I’m just benching it here with a Starbucks like some lazy fuck. So I was already treating myself badly, but felt like AT LEAST I was sticking to my calories, and sort of pep talking myself to know that I just need to stay consistent and keep going.
Someone here framed it really well for me. That the body doesn’t really want to lose weight and that’s why it’s so hard. It fights against losing calories and body weight. So I felt like I just needed to stay the course and have patience while also staying mindful that my body will fight to keep this weight on. And then I fuck up like this. I’m so mad at myself right now.
How can I fix this? Should I do a deficit of 400 tomorrow? I know that’s not always a smart thing to do, but I can’t take being overweight anymore. I have to lose like 160 pounds! I know I will never like my body, but I also know I will always hate it while it’s like this. And I messed up.
**it’s also that summer is almost here, and here I am, still big. Still! I honestly can’t take it anymore. I feel like I didn’t consent to being this overweight. It makes me want to hide away, which makes me keep the weight on. I really am just ashamed of myself.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3brOwkt
No comments: