I’m 23 and I’ve already spent 12 years trying to lose weight

23F 5ft 5in SW: 210 CW: 159 GW: 135

Long time lurker here. I’m just venting and telling my story but I’d love to hear your experiences too.

I started getting bullied for being “fat” when I was 11. My parents told me I’d be beautiful if I lost weight. Eating was my comfort when I came home from a long horrible day at school. The more I got called fat, the more weight I gained.

I joined weight watchers with my sister at 13. I was barely old enough and had to get a doctors note to join. I lost 25 lbs, quit and joined again at 15. I quit again and gained the weight back plus a whole lot more.

During my first year of college at 16 I gained 50lbs and when I was 17 I decided that I had enough of being the “fat girl”. I lost 70lbs in a year and a half fuelled by hatred and disgust and I had never looked better but I had never felt worse.

I never let myself eat the foods I liked, I berated myself in the mirror every day as motivation. I cried every time the MyFitnessPal calorie counter turned red or when I hit the calorie balance and went to bed hungry. I held onto that weight for dear life for 4 years until the pandemic hit and I gained back 20lbs since March 2020.

I’m 23 now and I realised that the last 12 years of my life completely revolved around weight loss.

I’m done berating myself in the mirror. I’m done hating myself to a lower weight.

I’ve lost 3lbs in the past few weeks eating the foods that I like, allowing myself to enjoy a birthday party without being upset about my calorie count, looking at myself in the mirror and saying only positive things, exercising when I can and resting when I need to. I’ve realised that it’s possible to be happy and lose weight at the same time lol what a revelation!

I want to get back to my lowest weight in a way that’s healthy for my mind too this time. 24lbs to go.

I guess the point of this post is to maybe help someone not make the same mistake I did thinking you can hate yourself to your goal weight then magically be happy.

Thanks for reading my wall of text if anyone did.

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