I dont know if i can do it

Hey all, im really in a low place. Graduating college in 2020 made me completely stop all of my normal routines, and i ended up gaining 30ish pounds. Before that, I had lost 30 by restricting calories and religiously working out. I've been fat my whole life, and 2018-2020 were the years I was finally changing my lifestyle and i felt hope. Now im bigger than my first "before" picture, and I cant even fathom myself at my lightest anymore. Im on week 2 of actively trying to get back into it, and I've been going to the gym 3-4 times a week. Its the initial start thats so hard, because i want to see results right away, but thats not how it works. I want to change and get back there, i desperately do

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