TW— I am about to give up. Please help me.
TW for mental health stuff. Descriptions of hopelessness, etc. please do not read if that could trigger you.
Hi everyone. This is hard to post. I weigh 370 pounds as of today. I was so shocked when I stepped off the scale that I fell into a panic. I have spent more than a year avoiding the scale. Last I had seen was around 340, and I was terrified then. Now, I am truly, horribly terrified.
I do not know how to do this. I do not know where to begin. My mental health treatment and journey has been significant. All my weight gain is due to mental health issues. Namely OCD, anxiety, and depression. I was on a sedating medication I shouldn’t have been on for the past nine months. Finally found a new doctor and was moved onto something else and I have my life essence back. That said, I am terrified it is too late. I cry and cry and get my affairs in order. It’s like I know in my soul it’s too late. I feel that I am dying and there’s no turning this ship around.
I see many of you use calorie counting. I have OCD, mainly the O part. I get “in the weeds” with everything, as my doctors put it. I will spiral with numbers as I have in the past — scale numbers, counting calories, weight watchers points — you name it, I’ve been disordered with it. I won’t get into too many details about it but all of the aforementioned weight loss approaches cause me serious distress due to my disorder. I have very severe OCD.
I guess I’m looking for comfort. Maybe some advice if there’s anyone out there who has lost weight without all those things. Do I get surgery? I just don’t know. My body screams at the simplest tasks. I can’t do any of the things I used to do. I just want my life back. And words of encouragement would be helpful.
Thank you all.
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