I often get jealous of r/loseit Redditors' incredible motivation, but then I remember that everyone's journey is different. (progress pics and story inside)
https://imgur.com/gallery/pJPdwVa
When I read posts about users reaching weight goals, their daily workouts, their breakthroughs and milestones, their dietary habits, and so forth, I sort of miss the days when I used to track everything. I remember being on fire, monitoring my every fluctuation - physical or otherwise. I remember spending hours dreaming of how different my life would be once I lost weight, and feeling so motivated to get there one day. As a tall woman (over 180cm), I felt that since I was already larger in height than most women, I should at least be small in other measurements. I truly believed that if I just lost some weight I'd magically get a boyfriend and never feel lonely again.
So I gladly spent hours reading articles about the best exercises to target certain body parts or testimonies from people who did "Body-for Life". It gave young me something to do, and I was thrilled to have a finish line worth running towards. I lifted weights and drank protein shakes for close to 7 years, starting at age 14. I used to get up at the crack of dawn to swim before school. I used to drink a fresh veggie juice every day, and savor each sip because it would bring me that much closer to my lighter future self. I used to boil two dozen eggs every weekend, and painstakingly peel off every goddamn stubborn shell - but enjoy the routine.
I had my ups and downs. I binge-ate during certain periods, and gained like crazy at those times. (Reference "before" picture.) Then I'd go through "clean eating" phases and lose some of it. It was a constant struggle, but kept my brain occupied and I loved it.
It feels like many Redditors on here have been able to maintain that passion for health into their adulthood, or perhaps only found it in their adulthood. Reading r/loseit posts brings back memories of a time when I was "getting healthy". I know it sounds strange, but I find myself feeling envious of others' weight journeys.
In the meantime, I've lost the brainpower and willpower to do ANY of the things I used to do in the past. Now, my idea of exercise is walking up the subway steps in Seoul, where I live. I occasionally belly dance, and I do walk a lot. But I eat ice cream if I want it. I eat fried chicken at least once a week, and often twice. I don't sleep enough. I drink more coffee than water. I eat less than I used to, for sure, but I don't think about my dietary decisions at all. I've become a lazy, lazy person.
Yet somehow, I'm the lightest I've been since the beginning of high school. I don't know if it's the change in lifestyle since moving to a big city, or the fact that I'm no longer a student..but the pounds have just fallen off. I may get a lot of hate for posting this, but I don't feel like I deserved the weight loss. It messes with my head to have lost the fat I wanted to lose so badly, but at a time when I'm doing all the wrong things.
So when I go down this rabbit hole of thoughts, I remember that first and foremost I need to be thankful for the fact that I am healthy and functioning. I also need to remember that weight loss doesn't occur for no reason. I may think less about putting in effort, but CICO isn't popular for no reason. Korean food is generally far healthier than American food, and that has likely played a part in my shedding some pounds. As a kindergarten teacher who at one point was putting in 50-70 hours a week, yeah..I was active all day long. That could have played a part.
The point of this long rant is: for some people, actively seeking health is the way to go, and for others breaking away from the thought process and letting their bodies make decisions is the way to go. Obviously, there are tips and tricks that demystify the process of weight loss, but there's no one-size-fits-all lifestyle. I think the key for me was to be in a good place emotionally, and everything else fell in place after that. All the muscle I built in those years of weight lifting is finally peeking through, and it feels great. Those years weren't a waste, and my health journey isn't over just because I'm not driving. For now, I'm simply in the passenger seat watching you all drive. Thank you for the inspiration you give me.
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