Just another Day 1 post + the joys of overcoming shame and being honest with myself
I’ve always told myself that I’m not fat, I’m a powerlifter and mostly muscle. I have to eat more to fuel my lifts and my other sports. The truth though is that I barely lift anymore, and the 20 pounds I’ve gained in the last year have not been muscle. I’ve been lying to myself and everyone else saying I will start going to the gym regularly again, or that I will stop eating cookies tomorrow, or that I’m just bulking or whatever else.
The truth is, I’ve been using eating as a coping mechanism for a hard break up, my self esteem is in the gutter, and I’m no longer the easy going and fun person that I used to be. All of my social interactions have become based around trying to look the least fat, hiding how much I eat, and worrying about what others think of me.
My “turning point” was a few days ago when I turned down sex with someone who I actually like because I was worried he’d think I’m too chubby once the clothes came off. This was such a painful moment, and I’m tired of lying to myself and everyone else about how unfit I am.
I guess posting this is my first step to overcoming shame regarding my bad habits. It feels cathartic to be honest with myself and other people, even if I’ve never met any of you :)
So yeah. This is me. I’m 22, 5’7, and 168lbs. Here’s to a fresh start :)
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2mH3pWa
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