When someone you love says the exact thing you need to hear at the time you need to hear it
This is my second time with r/LoseIt (with a different account). The first time, in 2017, I went from 179 to 144. In 2018, I maintained around 150-155, until something traumatic happened. I rapidly gained back up to 175+. I restarted 45 days ago.
My boyfriend is amazing. I started dating him in April. The gain happened starting in August. He's one of those people who is effortlessly super thin. He doesn't really understand it's because of his intuitive eating, and how non-emotional it is for him. Despite that, he sees and accepts how difficult and emotional it is for me, and supports my goals.
I tend to be on a really good track when I'm consistently exercising. It puts me in the right mindset. A few days ago, I really f*d up my hip somehow jogging. I took a break. And those three days I call "lost days". Black holes. No calorie counting. No meal prep. Binges (tunnel vision cravings). I felt like hell. Today, I went to buy new clothes for trip. I bought jeans from the very bottom of the wall at Gap. I just felt crushed and hopeless. Why is this like this for me? Will the struggle of it ever end?
Tonight, he said "hey, I've been trying to find the right time to tell you this all day, but I can really see a difference. You're doing such a good job." He wasn't sure if he should say so. It's such a complicated thing to love the person you're with as they are, while wanting better for them.
I told him I understood, and that he had no idea how much I needed to hear that. Today. After emerging from three lost, black hole days.
This might sound like such a tiny thing. But it feels monumental to me. If you're struggling with this with your partner, maybe show them this post. I don't know. I just needed to say this. I feel like with his support, I can interrupt this cycle. Someday I'll show him this.
Thank you for loving me at every size, and being there to support me every step of the way, right when I need you, always.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2CdYROp
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