I'm now at my freshman year of high school weight
I've always been a chubby person. I haven't told anyone, because I feel embarrassed to tell people how much I weighed when I was 15 (at the same height). For context I remember being 159 towards the end of freshman year and having to lose 10 lbs in 2 months or so to pass the fitness exam. I then proceeded to continue losing until I was 140 and then plateaued. For me, I thought that I had to be skinny to be loved, and when I discovered for the first time that fat people too!!! can be in a relationships, I stopped dieting (or starving myself to be accurate). I started eating again and went all the way up to 168 when I was 16 ( I remember my mom being so pissed and screaming at me for being fat). But instead, I just chose to not look at the scale.
I'm guessing from the way that my clothes fit and my pictures, I probably hit a peak of around 185-190ish during sophomore year of college from drinking all the time. At some point, I realized I didn't feel good and so I stopped drinking 3-4x a week, and started eating a big meal a day only. I think I must've lost 10 lbs from that within a semester. For the next 2 years, I tried to not eat as much in general. Last year during the pandemic, I moved to walkable cities and started to aim to at least walk 2-3 miles a day. Also started eating 1500 calories/day. When I went in for a weigh in at my OBGYN in Jan, I didn't want to see my weight but accidentally saw it and I was 162. I was literally in shock because I thought I was at least 10 lbs higher. Unfortunately after that weigh in, I moved to a foodie city and my friends and I would go out to eat all the time. I also didn't have a scale so I was just eating all the time and not weighing myself (because once I went a week without weighing myself, I would start feeling scared).
I decided to start dieting again in beginning of April and after 2 weeks or so, decided to buy a scale to track my weight. I remember being fucking terrified of seeing the number and stepping on but closing my eyes so many times. I decided that I wouldn't be able to see the progress I made without looking at the number, and so I finally looked. I was 162. I was so happy. From then on, I would weigh myself every day no matter how bloated or heavy I felt (due to eating salty foods). It helps me track my fluctuations and not be scared of the scale number. I also aim to work out an hr in the gym a day or walk 10k steps.
Well I decided to go get my bloodwork done for the first time since high school freshman year, and FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, my doctor didn't comment on my weight. Instead, she told me how all my vitals were excellent and I don't have any of the health problems that the rest of my family experiences due to weight. I AM SO HAPPY. HOLY SHIT. I still have 17~ lbs to go until I want to stop, but I HAVE NOT FELT THIS GOOD ABOUT MYSELF IN YEARS. I fucking love myself.
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