How to win grocery shopping! :) (NSV)

Tl;dr: Went shopping. Done good.

Today I went grocery shopping.

Let me tell ya'll... if chinese food is my weakness, shopping is fricking KRYPTONITE.

Every time I go in there I load up on every possible binge food. And then I have to eat it, right, cause I paid for it, and I'm poor so ... yeah.

Biggest problem areas?

Every time I shop I get blocks of cheese, a gallon of chocolate milk, bags of candy bars, a few bags of chips (party size, ofc), and lots of breads and baked goods. Usually I buy convenience meals and lots of idk... stuff that comes in a box.

Today I went in with rules. Sooooooo many rules.

All the rules we've seen posted everywhere a million times and never follow. Shop the perimeter. Put back the last thing you picked up. Come armed with a list....

I've tried "Do not buy these specific items" before and it doesn't work for me. Neither does "chips or chocolate - you can choose only one"

So I made a rule that I could only get 1 thing from each of my bingey food groups... and that it had to be a single serving size.

I came with my kid cause he's a judgey lil turd-face and will point out my mistakes in a calm "why aren't you logical like me" voice. I came with a list.

I even went to a different chain store than where I usually shop so I couldn't beeline for shit I always get.

Rule #1: Come prepared

I was armed and ready.

We get to the store and step inside and Oh. My. God.

Rule #2: Expect complications

First of all... right at the entrance where you usually find fresh produce and healthful things theres a Scandanavian Bakery and Restaurant in the store.

The smells, you guys... the SMELLS in that place.

I turn to The Kid, and I say in the weakest and most pitiful voice "I'm going to need help."

And my kind, ever accommodating child rolls his eyes and LAUGHS.

Lil turd.

Then we get into the store and "oh right, I forgot". It's SATURDAY.

For those of you who live in sane places where this vicious, manipulative custom isn't practiced let me tell you: Saturday is SAMPLE day.

Smiling employees are scattered all over the store handing out attractively arranged samples of assorted food products, so you can make impulse decisions while you shop and take in calories you'll never be able to log.

Bastards.

Even worse? It's almost time for the Superbowl, so the samples are all fatty meaty cheesey goodness. Dips and apps and one guy was swear to god grilling burgers and chopping them into toothpick sized bits.

I can do this.

Rule #3: You're meant to eat half your plate fruit and veg? Fill up half the cart with fruit and veg.

I mean I had a vague idea that there was more to fruit than apples oranges and bananas. I knew veg doesn't just refer to iceberg lettuce and carrot sticks. But I made myself look at every pile of produce and it is just amazing how much variety there really is.

(okay /u/princesslachocolat you may have some free samples... as soon as you finish with the fruits and veg)

(lol i lied, at least get ur proteins first)

Rule #4: Shop the perimeter

Cart half full, I started looking through the deli section. I don't really eat much beef or pork since the last time I tried to lose weight... still like it but I just don't buy it much... so i got 2 pieces of salmon and 2 pieces of chicken breast and some turkey substitutes for bacon/sausage/ground meat.

Dairy section.

Hello cheese. >.>

Rule #5: Don't say "no", just say "if"

I can buy cheese... IF it's lower calorie than the bread i usually put it on. (60 cal or less) per serving.

Okay, got some fat free shredded cheddar, fat free shredded mozz, and some vegan cheese slices which I hope I can eat without dying.

Also picked up some light yogurt and fat free cottage cheese.

Milk Case. Don't say no, just say IF... I can have chocolate milk IF it's a single serving size.

Crap. Fine.

By this point I'm straight up ready to punch myself in the face. Like I'm pissed. I want my frackin munchies, dammit.

And then i realize, the perimeter is done

Rule #6 and #7: Bring a list. Don't go into aisles for things that aren't on the list.

Ugh. There was very little on the list i hadn't already gotten: Salsa, pickles, syrup, diet cola, mio drops, and bread

Rule #8: Put your blinders on.

dontlookatanythingtillyougetwhereyouregoing

Salsa check. Drinks check. Syrup... wait. Why are we buying syrup if we buying anything to put it on?

...well?

Syrup back on the shelf. Pickles check. Bread... And then I see these wraps "Skip the sandwich" wraps or soemthing. they're like 60 calories. 2 slices of bread for a sandwich, or two wraps?

Put the bread back. Wraps check.

Chips check. My kiddo rolls his eyes and takes them out of the cart. Puts them back.

Wait.

Rule #5. I can have chips IF they are healthy-ish. Got some "The Better Chip" spinach and kale flavor. Idk if they are good but they have the same calories as the others and they have hella better micros. Good news: If they are nasty then i won't binge on them will I? Muhaha. Take that, ME!

rule #7 dont go into aisles for things not on the list

I head to the register.

CHOCOLATE. Oh god the chocolate.

rule #5. I can have chocolate IF it's a single serving.

I grab a chocolate bar. Bout to smash as soon as it's scanned.

Crap. It's two servings. I gave half to my kid.

... when I get home and put stuff away, you guys, there's nothing in my cabinets. My freezer is so tidy. My fridge is overflowing and looks like a damn rainbow. And there's nothing that's going to make me binge and "ruin my diet". I've got plenty of protein foods for energy and I'm pretty sure all the vitamins i need are in that greenery somewhere.

There's no food item I didn't list on this post, other than the produce.

I feel amazing.

And then I realize... I didn't touch a single sample.

Take that you conniving bastards.

submitted by /u/PrincessLaChocolat
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2SkvxA6
How to win grocery shopping! :) (NSV) How to win grocery shopping! :) (NSV) Reviewed by Health And Fitness on February 03, 2019 Rating: 5

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