Finally got the courage to weigh myself.
I've been steadily putting on weight since Covid began. I knew that when it started, I (5'11" M) was creeping into the mid-200s. By the time I was ready to put my foot down and start the journey back to health, I found myself paralyzed with fear. I couldn't bring myself to even step on the scale. My greatest fear was that I had actually managed to exceed 300 lbs. I was terrified. I didn't want to face letting myself go to such an extent. I was afraid that it would send me spiraling into a deeper depression. 299 lbs. would be fine. I could deal with that, but one pound more would suck...so much.
I know it's not wise to be so obsessed with a number, but this was that number I swore to myself I'd never hit. I'd get my act together before then, surely! It was my hard limit, the point at which I would consider myself a failure. Great mindset, I know, but hey, that's how I felt.
I needed a way to track my progress and I couldn't even take the first step. I couldn't eat healthy for 2 weeks and see a couple pounds lost to keep me motivated because I didn't even know how much I weighed to start.
I finally weighed myself today. I psyched myself up for days to face the truth. I was scared to step on that scale and I did it anyway. I've taken the first step. I'm ready to start my journey. I'm more motivated than I've been in years and I know that I'll succeed.
SW: 296.2 lbs.
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