I hate myself
I feel so ugly and disgusting. My skin is horrible, I feel sick and heavy, my bones hurt, my hair is falling out. I’m on meds for high blood pressure since 16. I fucking despise myself and I look so ugly. Looking at how much my face has swelled makes me want to gag.
I used to think it was bad then but it’s worse now. I was in the 250’s before the pandemic now being home all day for a year has made me in the 280’s. I’m almost knocking on the door of 300 and I’m frightened for myself. I just broke down crying because I can’t believe how huge my stomach is and it makes me want to gag.
My moms trying to help me by taking us out on walks to the park but it’s not enough. I cook my meals at home and try to eat healthy but then my mom always brings home bad foods. I slip up. None of it is enough. It’s not. I can’t bring myself to put in the work because all I do is self loathe. I hate myself so much. I can’t even go out in broad daylight that’s how disgusting I feel. The thought of people seeing me in public makes me nauseous. I don’t know what to do. Nobody had genuinely helped me enough in my life. I have no guidance. I’ve been severely obese for half my life since 10 now I am 20. Where did it all go wrong. I have so much trauma my body is holding on to all this fat. I’m screaming for help on the inside but nobody understands me. I want to overwork myself and work out for hours and restrict everything or do nothing. I want to go in all or nothing. But I just can’t l. I always give up. I have no discipline. I’m so suicidal years of torture. Someone please help me.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3guNJRq
No comments: