The psychological struggle
At the start of 2019, I was 5'5 205lbs. It's been a long journey, with many ups and downs but I'm currently at 138lbs. Keto, watching calories and increased exercise has helped. Even with much better food choices, I find myself struggling with the psychological aspect of using food to cope with stress and depression. At this very moment, I want to snack...not cuz I'm hungry but because it's the only thing that'll make me happy here at 1am knowing I have to wake up and start the work week at 8am.
There is no partner I could turn to or family member. It's just me...and I feel damned either way. I can sit here and suffer til eventually I sleep or I'll stuff my face, feel good for a bit then hate myself later especially because I have a tendency to binge eat. I used to purge and the thought has crossed my mind once again.
There's also the goal of hitting 125lbs. I actually hit it once and liked how I looked but I couldn't maintain it. I used to do the 1200 calories thing and it was brutal. I have decided to try to approach it one more time but with better habits. Last time was cuz the purging. It's.... tricky. Last time I tried to not let the numbers define me and started to ease up a tad on the food restrictions I bounced up 15lbs.
I don't know what I expect to get from anyone on here but I just felt like I should vent. Online strangers have been the only consistent people that have tried to help me. Not sure what can be said but thanks for reading and spending a moment of existence with me.
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